Philokalia

Virginity and Totality

2008-08-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

Virginity is not only the fulfillment vocation par excellence. It is also the vocation of totality: entirety of self-gift in exchange for plenitude of return, the "much more". Because the virgin gives up earthly marriage and property for the kingdom, she sets out on a path of identification with Jesus that is as complete as is open to the human person. She is a virgin for the sake of the transforming union. Prayer is the primary purpose of her vows. Not just a little prayer, but the consummation of it.

Martha's sister, Mary, sitting at the Lord's feet undividedly drinking of him and his wisdom, is the perfect picture of virginity and contemplation. While she does her due work at its appropriate time, she knows full well that the "one thing", the top priority in anyone's life, is gazing on the beauty of the Lord. And Jesus gives her his complete stamp of approval; her absorption in him is both the overriding necessity of life and the beginning in dark faith of what will be her eternal, enthralling destiny in clear vision- "it will not be taken from her" (Luke 10: 38-42).

~Father Thomas Dubay, S. M.
from "...And You Are Christ's"; The Charism of Virginity and the Celibate Life

Amo Christum

2008-08-11T17:16:00.000-07:00

I love Christ, into whose chamber I shall enter, whose Mother is a virgin, whose Father knows not woman, whose music and melody are sweet to my ears. When I love Him, I remain chaste; when I touch Him, I remain pure; when I possess Him, I remain a virgin. With His ring my Lord Jesus Christ has betrothed me and He has adorned me with the bridal crown.

~from a Carmelite solemn profession and veiling

here it is... the Conversion Story

2008-08-09T20:17:00.000-07:00

What is Truth? This powerful question once asked of Christ by Pilate led me from a comfortable bubble of Presbyterian upbringing, through a darkness of atheist philosophies, and finally, into the light of the Catholic Church. Intertwined with my conversion to Catholicism was a growing sense that I am called to contemplative religious life.
When I was growing up in Washington State, I never questioned my strong Presbyterian upbringing. I eagerly participated in summer camps, youth groups, international mission trips, and street ministry. My brother, now a Presbyterian minister, served as a role model for my faith, as did my devoted parents and extended family. Upon graduation from high school I enrolled in Whitworth University, a Presbyterian college. It was here that Pilate’s question began to trouble me.
At Whitworth, I was introduced to many aspects of Catholic culture, without, however, putting together that these were Catholic. In my musical studies I was exposed to Gregorian chant, falling in love with the simplicity of its sublime melodies. In my theological studies, I was exposed to the writings of the Fathers of the Church. As a result of my exposure to this new world of ideas, I became increasingly disaffected with my own religious upbringing. Though I led a weekly Bible study, performed in a worship band, and attended lectures on Reformed theology, something was missing.
Perhaps my most influential class was a thirty-day course in the Cascade Mountains devoted to Christian Spirituality. Twenty-three of us students sought to live a condensed form of monastic life, adopting a rhythm of prayer, work, and study. As a result of this experience, monastic life deeply impressed many of us. However, I do not recall ever being told that, far from being a bygone relic of the obscure past, monastic life was an ongoing feature of Catholicism throughout the ages, present to this day. Thus I devoured the classical works of such holy luminaries as Sts. Therese of the Child Jesus, Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, and Brother Lawrence, never fully grasping that they were Catholic religious whose way of life is available to me. Nevertheless, after that incredible month, my life forever changed: I gave up watching television, pursued opportunities for silence and solitude, and strove to live the purity and simplicity of St. Therese’s “Little Way.”
During the summer of 2005, I took my last course at Whitworth: a philosophical study tour through Europe. In Paris, Rome, Florence, and London, the Lord whetted my aesthetic appetite as I explored the manifold treasury of sacred art and architecture preserved in Catholic cathedrals. The corresponding course material challenged me to consider the necessity of physical realities, and how our Lord uses them to reveal Himself to us in a way befitting our nature. How appropriate it seemed to me that the invisible Creator would communicate Himself to us through the elements of visible creation! Though I did not perceive it at the time, a deep attraction to the Sacraments began to blossom within me.
When I returned from Europe, I moved to Lincoln, Nebraska to pursue graduate studies in music. Though I knew no one in Nebraska, I was certain through prayer that the Lord was calling me out of my comfort zone into unfamiliar territory. Perhaps because of my new surroundings, I began to explore out of curiosity a variety of philosophies: existentialism, nihilism, materialism, and eastern religions. At the same time, through a fortuitous series of events, I took up residence with two devout Catholics, one of them a musician, even though their brand of Christianity appeared more dangerous to me than any of these esoteric philosophies. Because I could see that they took their faith seriously, I took pains to guard myself against what I saw as their “outlandish” popery, legalism, and Mariolatry. Fortunately, through the influence of their steadfast example I was gradually disabused of these misconceptions of the Catholic Church.
During this time, I dreaded Sundays, for I had begun the faith-numbing process known as “church-shopping.” I attended a plethora of Protestant churches, none of which satiated my thirst for the Truth. In my frustration and discouragement, I distanced myself from my Catholic roommates and friends. The Bible resting on my nightstand collected dust. My prayer life withered away. Increasingly, I gravitated towards my yoga-loving atheist friends, only to find myself sinking into a morass of moral confusion and spiritual darkness. When I awoke each morning, the more I felt I had nothing to live for, the more I loathed getting out of bed. My memories of church camp, missions, and theological studies seemed like chimerical fairy tales. I captured this state of mind in the following journal entry of December 30, 2005:
"Nothing, no ONE on earth, NO THING having anything to do with this life will ever bear a completeness that will satisfy, because that is the nature of this God-forsaken place. It is ruins. Burning shambles. Nothing is complete. Nothing ever will be complete as perceived by us because we won’t live to see it. We are just a part of a work-in-progress — a screw or a bolt in some disjointed, broken mechanism, rusting and creaking in exhaustion. Purpose? What is purpose?"
By the grace of God, I soon found answers. On the Feast of the Epiphany, 2006, I came home from school to find my Catholic roommates singing “We Three Kings” while a priest sprinkled holy water around the house. Bemused, I thought “What are these Catholics doing?” Afterwards, I spoke with the priest, who peppered me with questions about my studies and my interests in philosophy and theology. Less than two weeks later, we began to meet to discuss some of my questions. Unbeknownst to me, these meetings were like little catechetical sessions. I would come to each meeting with endless questions about Mary, the papacy, the Eucharist, the Sacraments, purgatory, the communion of saints, apostolic succession, the canon of Scripture, morality, and many other subjects. Under the guidance of this priest, I returned to the writings of the early Church Fathers, and was shocked to discover they were thoroughly Catholic. This priest introduced me to a number of saints, including St. Faustina. He gave me a copy of her diaries, which I read voraciously. He also introduced me to the Liturgy of the Hours, which I began praying every morning and evening thereafter. Each day I was given a glimmer of hope, and a purpose that led me outside of myself.
Little by little, our Lord led me to Himself in the Mass. Initially, I attended Mass with reluctance and skepticism, even anger. And yet, because of all my inquiries into Catholicism, my throat began to physically ache during Mass. I did not realize there existed in this pain an incredible thirst for Him, and hidden in that thirst, a budding faith in His Real Presence. This manifested itself most fully in a visit to a contemplative monastery, the Community of Saint John in Illinois, to which one of my roommates had invited me to attend a silent retreat. Recalling the fond memories of my monastic experience in the Cascades, I could not resist the invitation to encounter real monastic life.
The Community of Saint John spends the beginning and end of each day in silent Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. Our first morning there, I awoke at dawn and, on a whim, attended early morning Adoration (which I had never before attended). Sitting on a hard wooden bench in the very back of the chapel, I watched in sheer bewilderment as young sisters silently filed in and took their places. The Prioress unlocked the tabernacle and slowly opened it to reveal our Lord. I stared at the Blessed Sacrament, and then at the contemplative sisters prostrating themselves in silence, and realized I was witnessing an intimate, silent, and very real exchange of Love. I was transfixed, and knew I was the in presence of Truth. In the sisters themselves, I discovered kindred spirits. The silence and solitude replenished me, allowing me room to breathe, spiritually, for the first time ever.
After this visit, I was a “fish out of water” — Protestant yet irresistibly attracted to Catholic sanctuaries, especially those which hosted Eucharistic Adoration. The community’s devotion to Mary was especially beautiful to me, and I found myself often contemplating her role as Theotokos, God-bearer. The new subject for my oil-paintings (a hobby) became icons of Mary. The more I painted her, the more I fell in love with her. After Christmas of 2006, I secretly bought a finger Rosary and, after teaching myself the mysteries, hid it inside my coat pocket for easy access. Starting in January of 2007, I prayed the Rosary daily for priests and seminarians.
To satiate my aching for Jesus in the Eucharist, I knew I needed to become Catholic. I also knew that if I became Catholic, His ultimate Answer to my yearning for Him this side of heaven would be a contemplative religious vocation. Becoming Catholic and entering into religious life is, for me, one and the same calling. In January of 2007, I made the decision to enter into full communion with the Catholic Church. In a journal entry from January 15, I wrote “I am either going off the deep end, or I am truly entering into the realm of the fullness of Truth. My greatest desire is to be so united with Him that I live my life in complete abandonment to His will, always giving of myself to others. A passion burns in me to lead, like a priest, souls to Christ.”
At the Easter Vigil of 2007, I was confirmed under the name Teresa Benedicta a Cruce (Edith Stein). I grew close with Teresa Benedicta as I shared her Cross of family persecution. As she offered her life as a holocaust for her Jewish people, so I wanted to do the same for my Protestant family and friends who misunderstand the Catholic faith. Her poignant name, “Teresa Blessed by the Cross,” challenges me to bear all sufferings with hope and joy in His name. In the face of persecution from my family, I have learned to keep my eyes focused on the Lamb, following Him, please God, to the end. Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity especially inspires me with these words: “She does not look at the paths on which she is walking. She simply gazes at the Shepherd who is leading her.” Like the disciples who were scandalized by Jesus’ teaching on the Eucharist in John 6, I had to choose whether to follow my family or to follow Him. With Peter, all I could say was “Lord, to whom shall I go? You have the words of eternal life.”
In December of 2006 I had asked St. Therese of Lisieux to intercede for me, that I could find a contemplative religious community. Throughout my travels, I had encountered a variety of strangers who felt compelled to tell me I should be a contemplative. On a train from Poland to Austria, for example, when a Catholic Polish woman discovered that I too was Catholic, she kept saying in broken English, “Convent! You  convent!” Upon visiting the Missionaries of Charity in Chicago, a sister greeted me at the door with these words: “Hello. Are you discerning a vocation to religious life? To be a Carmelite?” While in line for a blessing after an ordination, an elderly gentleman kept asking me what I was planning to do after graduation. Finally he asked, “Well, have you ever considered the contemplative Sisters of St. John? You have their smile.” In the middle of a talk I gave on prayer to a group of Catholic high school students, the teacher interrupted me to say, “I feel very strongly that you have a contemplative vocation.” A two year old sitting in my lap was fingering a medal of St. Faustina I wore around my neck. I told her the nun was St. Faustina, but she insisted, “No, it’s you. It’s you!” Such encounters happened at least four other times within six months, all with complete strangers.
What began as others’ observations has blossomed into a clearly defined, personal conviction that the Lord is calling me to contemplative religious life with the Sisters of Saint John. Father Marie Dominique Philippe, their founder, was a Dominican priest and philosopher. The charism he inspired in his community seems a perfect continuation of my own journey into the heart of God: prayer, silence, solitude, manual and artistic work, philosophical and theological studies, and a lifelong contemplation of the Truth.

Alexander Solzhenitsyn's controversial address...

2008-08-06T18:50:00.000-07:00

Text of Address by

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

at Harvard Class Day Afternoon Exercises,

Thursday, June 8, 1978

I am sincerely happy to be here with you on this occasion and to become personally acquainted with this old and most prestigious University. My congratulations and very best wishes to all of today's graduates.

Harvard's motto is "Veritas." Many of you have already found out and others will find out in the course of their lives that truth eludes us if we do not concentrate with total attention on its pursuit. And even while it eludes us, the illusion still lingers of knowing it and leads to many misunderstandings. Also, truth is seldom pleasant; it is almost invariably bitter. There is some bitterness in my speech today, too. But I want to stress that it comes not from an adversary but from a friend.

Three years ago in the United States I said certain things which at that time appeared unacceptable. Today, however, many people agree with what I then said...

-- -- --
A World Split Apart

by Alexander Solzhenitsyn

The split in today's world is perceptible even to a hasty glance. Any of our contemporaries readily identifies two world powers, each of them already capable of entirely destroying the other. However, understanding of the split often is limited to this political conception, to the illusion that danger may be abolished through successful diplomatic negotiations or by achieving a balance of armed forces. The truth is that the split is a much profounder and a more alienating one, that the rifts are more than one can see at first glance. This deep manifold split bears the danger of manifold disaster for all of us, in accordance with the ancient truth that a Kingdom -- in this case, our Earth -- divided against itself cannot stand.

Contemporary Worlds
There is the concept of the Third World: thus, we already have three worlds. Undoubtedly, however, the number is even greater; we are just too far away to see. Any ancient deeply rooted autonomous culture, especially if it is spread on a wide part of the earth's surface, constitutes an autonomous world, full of riddles and surprises to Western thinking. As a minimum, we must include in this category China, India, the Muslim world and Africa, if indeed we accept the approximation of viewing the latter two as compact units. For one thousand years Russia has belonged to such a category, although Western thinking systematically committed the mistake of denying its autonomous character and therefore never understood it, just as today the West does not understand Russia in communist captivity. It may be that in the past years Japan has increasingly become a distant part of the West, I am no judge here; but as to Israel, for instance, it seems to me that it stands apart from the Western world in that its state system is fundamentally linked to religion.

How short a time ago, relatively, the small new European world was easily seizing colonies everywhere, not only without anticipating any real resistance, but also usually despising any possible values in the conquered peoples' approach to life. On the face of it, it was an overwhelming success, there were no geographic frontiers to it. Western society expanded in a triumph of human independence and power. And all of a sudden in the twentieth century came the discovery of its fragility and friability. We now see that the conquests proved to be short lived and precarious, and this in turn points to defects in the Western view of the world which led to these conquests. Relations with the former colonial world now have turned into their opposite and the Western world often goes to extremes of obsequiousness, but it is difficult yet to estimate the total size of the bill which former colonial countries will present to the West, and it is difficult to predict whether the surrender not only of its last colonies, but of everything it owns will be sufficient for the West to foot the bill.

Convergence
But the blindness of superiority continues in spite of all and upholds the belief that vast regions everywhere on our planet should develop and mature to the level of present day Western systems which in theory are the best and in practice the most attractive. There is this belief that all those other worlds are only being temporarily prevented by wicked governments or by heavy crises or by their own barbarity or incomprehension from taking the way of Western pluralistic democracy and from adopting the Western way of life. Countries are judged on the merit of their progress in this direction. However, it is a conception which developed out of Western incomprehension of the essence of other worlds, out of the mistake of measuring them all with a Western yardstick. The real picture of our planet's development is quite different.

Anguish about our divided world gave birth to the theory of convergence between leading Western countries and the Soviet Union. It is a soothing theory which overlooks the fact that these worlds are not at all developing into similarity; neither one can be transformed into the other without the use of violence. Besides, convergence inevitably means acceptance of the other side's defects, too, and this is hardly desirable.

If I were today addressing an audience in my country, examining the overall pattern of the world's rifts I would have concentrated on the East's calamities. But since my forced exile in the West has now lasted four years and since my audience is a Western one, I think it may be of greater interest to concentrate on certain aspects of the West in our days, such as I see them.

A Decline in Courage [. . .]
may be the most striking feature which an outside observer notices in the West in our days. The Western world has lost its civil courage, both as a whole and separately, in each country, each government, each political party and of course in the United Nations. Such a decline in courage is particularly noticeable among the ruling groups and the intellectual elite, causing an impression of loss of courage by the entire society. Of course there are many courageous individuals but they have no determining influence on public life. Political and intellectual bureaucrats show depression, passivity and perplexity in their actions and in their statements and even more so in theoretical reflections to explain how realistic, reasonable as well as intellectually and even morally warranted it is to base state policies on weakness and cowardice. And decline in courage is ironically emphasized by occasional explosions of anger and inflexibility on the part of the same bureaucrats when dealing with weak governments and weak countries, not supported by anyone, or with currents which cannot offer any resistance. But they get tongue-tied and paralyzed when they deal with powerful governments and threatening forces, with aggressors and international terrorists.

Should one point out that from ancient times decline in courage has been considered the beginning of the end?

Well-Being
When the modern Western States were created, the following principle was proclaimed: governments are meant to serve man, and man lives to be free to pursue happiness. (See, for example, the American Declaration). Now at last during past decades technical and social progress has permitted the realization of such aspirations: the welfare state. Every citizen has been granted the desired freedom and material goods in such quantity and of such quality as to guarantee in theory the achievement of happiness, in the morally inferior sense which has come into being during those same decades. In the process, however, one psychological detail has been overlooked: the constant desire to have still more things and a still better life and the struggle to obtain them imprints many Western faces with worry and even depression, though it is customary to conceal such feelings. Active and tense competition permeates all human thoughts without opening a way to free spiritual development. The individual's independence from many types of state pressure has been guaranteed; the majority of people have been granted well-being to an extent their fathers and grandfathers could not even dream about; it has become possible to raise young people according to these ideals, leading them to physical splendor, happiness, possession of material goods, money and leisure, to an almost unlimited freedom of enjoyment. So who should now renounce all this, why and for what should one risk one's precious life in defense of common values, and particularly in such nebulous cases when the security of one's nation must be defended in a distant country?

Even biology knows that habitual extreme safety and well-being are not advantageous for a living organism. Today, well-being in the life of Western society has begun to reveal its pernicious mask.

Legalistic Life
Western society has given itself the organization best suited to its purposes, based, I would say, on the letter of the law. The limits of human rights and righteousness are determined by a system of laws; such limits are very broad. People in the West have acquired considerable skill in using, interpreting and manipulating law, even though laws tend to be too complicated for an average person to understand without the help of an expert. Any conflict is solved according to the letter of the law and this is considered to be the supreme solution. If one is right from a legal point of view, nothing more is required, nobody may mention that one could still not be entirely right, and urge self-restraint, a willingness to renounce such legal rights, sacrifice and selfless risk: it would sound simply absurd. One almost never sees voluntary self-restraint. Everybody operates at the extreme limit of those legal frames. An oil company is legally blameless when it purchases an invention of a new type of energy in order to prevent its use. A food product manufacturer is legally blameless when he poisons his produce to make it last longer: after all, people are free not to buy it.

I have spent all my life under a communist regime and I will tell you that a society without any objective legal scale is a terrible one indeed. But a society with no other scale but the legal one is not quite worthy of man either. A society which is based on the letter of the law and never reaches any higher is taking very scarce advantage of the high level of human possibilities. The letter of the law is too cold and formal to have a beneficial influence on society. Whenever the tissue of life is woven of legalistic relations, there is an atmosphere of moral mediocrity, paralyzing man's noblest impulses.

And it will be simply impossible to stand through the trials of this threatening century with only the support of a legalistic structure.

The Direction of Freedom
In today's Western society, the inequality has been revealed of freedom for good deeds and freedom for evil deeds. A statesman who wants to achieve something important and highly constructive for his country has to move cautiously and even timidly; there are thousands of hasty and irresponsible critics around him, parliament and the press keep rebuffing him. As he moves ahead, he has to prove that every single step of his is well-founded and absolutely flawless. Actually an outstanding and particularly gifted person who has unusual and unexpected initiatives in mind hardly gets a chance to assert himself; from the very beginning, dozens of traps will be set out for him. Thus mediocrity triumphs with the excuse of restrictions imposed by democracy.

It is feasible and easy everywhere to undermine administrative power and, in fact, it has been drastically weakened in all Western countries. The defense of individual rights has reached such extremes as to make society as a whole defenseless against certain individuals. It is time, in the West, to defend not so much human rights as human obligations.

Destructive and irresponsible freedom has been granted boundless space. Society appears to have little defense against the abyss of human decadence, such as, for example, misuse of liberty for moral violence against young people, motion pictures full of pornography, crime and horror. It is considered to be part of freedom and theoretically counter-balanced by the young people's right not to look or not to accept. Life organized legalistically has thus shown its inability to defend itself against the corrosion of evil.

And what shall we say about the dark realm of criminality as such? Legal frames (especially in the United States) are broad enough to encourage not only individual freedom but also certain individual crimes. The culprit can go unpunished or obtain undeserved leniency with the support of thousands of public defenders. When a government starts an earnest fight against terrorism, public opinion immediately accuses it of violating the terrorists' civil rights. There are many such cases.

Such a tilt of freedom in the direction of evil has come about gradually but it was evidently born primarily out of a humanistic and benevolent concept according to which there is no evil inherent to human nature; the world belongs to mankind and all the defects of life are caused by wrong social systems which must be corrected. Strangely enough, though the best social conditions have been achieved in the West, there still is criminality and there even is considerably more of it than in the pauper and lawless Soviet society. (There is a huge number of prisoners in our camps which are termed criminals, but most of them never committed any crime; they merely tried to defend themselves against a lawless state resorting to means outside of a legal framework).

The Direction of the Press
The press too, of course, enjoys the widest freedom. (I shall be using the word press to include all media). But what sort of use does it make of this freedom?

Here again, the main concern is not to infringe the letter of the law. There is no moral responsibility for deformation or disproportion. What sort of responsibility does a journalist have to his readers, or to history? If they have misled public opinion or the government by inaccurate information or wrong conclusions, do we know of any cases of public recognition and rectification of such mistakes by the same journalist or the same newspaper? No, it does not happen, because it would damage sales. A nation may be the victim of such a mistake, but the journalist always gets away with it. One may safely assume that he will start writing the opposite with renewed self-assurance.

Because instant and credible information has to be given, it becomes necessary to resort to guesswork, rumors and suppositions to fill in the voids, and none of them will ever be rectified, they will stay on in the readers' memory. How many hasty, immature, superficial and misleading judgments are expressed every day, confusing readers, without any verification. The press can both simulate public opinion and miseducate it. Thus we may see terrorists heroized, or secret matters, pertaining to one's nation's defense, publicly revealed, or we may witness shameless intrusion on the privacy of well-known people under the slogan: "everyone is entitled to know everything." But this is a false slogan, characteristic of a false era: people also have the right not to know, and it is a much more valuable one. The right not to have their divine souls stuffed with gossip, nonsense, vain talk. A person who works and leads a meaningful life does not need this excessive burdening flow of information.

Hastiness and superficiality are the psychic disease of the 20th century and more than anywhere else this disease is reflected in the press. In-depth analysis of a problem is anathema to the press. It stops at sensational formulas.

Such as it is, however, the press has become the greatest power within the Western countries, more powerful than the legislature, the executive and the judiciary. One would then like to ask: by what law has it been elected and to whom is it responsible? In the communist East a journalist is frankly appointed as a state official. But who has granted Western journalists their power, for how long a time and with what prerogatives?

There is yet another surprise for someone coming from the East where the press is rigorously unified: one gradually discovers a common trend of preferences within the Western press as a whole. It is a fashion; there are generally accepted patterns of judgment and there may be common corporate interests, the sum effect being not competition but unification. Enormous freedom exists for the press, but not for the readership because newspapers mostly give enough stress and emphasis to those opinions which do not too openly contradict their own and the general trend.

A Fashion in Thinking
Without any censorship, in the West fashionable trends of thought and ideas are carefully separated from those which are not fashionable; nothing is forbidden, but what is not fashionable will hardly ever find its way into periodicals or books or be heard in colleges. Legally your researchers are free, but they are conditioned by the fashion of the day. There is no open violence such as in the East; however, a selection dictated by fashion and the need to match mass standards frequently prevent independent-minded people from giving their contribution to public life. There is a dangerous tendency to form a herd, shutting off successful development. I have received letters in America from highly intelligent persons, maybe a teacher in a faraway small college who could do much for the renewal and salvation of his country, but his country cannot hear him because the media are not interested in him. This gives birth to strong mass prejudices, blindness, which is most dangerous in our dynamic era. There is, for instance, a self-deluding interpretation of the contemporary world situation. It works as a sort of petrified armor around people's minds. Human voices from 17 countries of Eastern Europe and Eastern Asia cannot pierce it. It will only be broken by the pitiless crowbar of events.

I have mentioned a few trends of Western life which surprise and shock a new arrival to this world. The purpose and scope of this speech will not allow me to continue such a review, to look into the influence of these Western characteristics on important aspects on [the] nation's life, such as elementary education, advanced education in [?...]

Socialism
It is almost universally recognized that the West shows all the world a way to successful economic development, even though in the past years it has been strongly disturbed by chaotic inflation. However, many people living in the West are dissatisfied with their own society. They despise it or accuse it of not being up to the level of maturity attained by mankind. A number of such critics turn to socialism, which is a false and dangerous current.

I hope that no one present will suspect me of offering my personal criticism of the Western system to present socialism as an alternative. Having experienced applied socialism in a country where the alternative has been realized, I certainly will not speak for it. The well-known Soviet mathematician Shafarevich, a member of the Soviet Academy of Science, has written a brilliant book under the title Socialism; it is a profound analysis showing that socialism of any type and shade leads to a total destruction of the human spirit and to a leveling of mankind into death. Shafarevich's book was published in France almost two years ago and so far no one has been found to refute it. It will shortly be published in English in the United States.

Not a Model
But should someone ask me whether I would indicate the West such as it is today as a model to my country, frankly I would have to answer negatively. No, I could not recommend your society in its present state as an ideal for the transformation of ours. Through intense suffering our country has now achieved a spiritual development of such intensity that the Western system in its present state of spiritual exhaustion does not look attractive. Even those characteristics of your life which I have just mentioned are extremely saddening.

A fact which cannot be disputed is the weakening of human beings in the West while in the East they are becoming firmer and stronger. Six decades for our people and three decades for the people of Eastern Europe; during that time we have been through a spiritual training far in advance of Western experience. Life's complexity and mortal weight have produced stronger, deeper and more interesting characters than those produced by standardized Western well-being. Therefore if our society were to be transformed into yours, it would mean an improvement in certain aspects, but also a change for the worse on some particularly significant scores. It is true, no doubt, that a society cannot remain in an abyss of lawlessness, as is the case in our country. But it is also demeaning for it to elect such mechanical legalistic smoothness as you have. After the suffering of decades of violence and oppression, the human soul longs for things higher, warmer and purer than those offered by today's mass living habits, introduced by the revolting invasion of publicity, by TV stupor and by intolerable music.

All this is visible to observers from all the worlds of our planet. The Western way of life is less and less likely to become the leading model.

There are meaningful warnings that history gives a threatened or perishing society. Such are, for instance, the decadence of art, or a lack of great statesmen. There are open and evident warnings, too. The center of your democracy and of your culture is left without electric power for a few hours only, and all of a sudden crowds of American citizens start looting and creating havoc. The smooth surface film must be very thin, then, the social system quite unstable and unhealthy.

But the fight for our planet, physical and spiritual, a fight of cosmic proportions, is not a vague matter of the future; it has already started. The forces of Evil have begun their decisive offensive, you can feel their pressure, and yet your screens and publications are full of prescribed smiles and raised glasses. What is the joy about?

Shortsightedness
Very well known representatives of your society, such as George Kennan, say: we cannot apply moral criteria to politics. Thus we mix good and evil, right and wrong and make space for the absolute triumph of absolute Evil in the world. On the contrary, only moral criteria can help the West against communism's well planned world strategy. There are no other criteria. Practical or occasional considerations of any kind will inevitably be swept away by strategy. After a certain level of the problem has been reached, legalistic thinking induces paralysis; it prevents one from seeing the size and meaning of events.

In spite of the abundance of information, or maybe because of it, the West has difficulties in understanding reality such as it is. There have been naive predictions by some American experts who believed that Angola would become the Soviet Union's Vietnam or that Cuban expeditions in Africa would best be stopped by special U.S. courtesy to Cuba. Kennan's advice to his own country -- to begin unilateral disarmament -- belongs to the same category. If you only knew how the youngest of the Moscow Old Square [1] officials laugh at your political wizards! As to Fidel Castro, he frankly scorns the United States, sending his troops to distant adventures from his country right next to yours.

However, the most cruel mistake occurred with the failure to understand the Vietnam war. Some people sincerely wanted all wars to stop just as soon as possible; others believed that there should be room for national, or communist, self-determination in Vietnam, or in Cambodia, as we see today with particular clarity. But members of the U.S. anti-war movement wound up being involved in the betrayal of Far Eastern nations, in a genocide and in the suffering today imposed on 30 million people there. Do those convinced pacifists hear the moans coming from there? Do they understand their responsibility today? Or do they prefer not to hear? The American Intelligentsia lost its [nerve] and as a consequence thereof danger has come much closer to the United States. But there is no awareness of this. Your shortsighted politicians who signed the hasty Vietnam capitulation seemingly gave America a carefree breathing pause; however, a hundredfold Vietnam now looms over you. That small Vietnam had been a warning and an occasion to mobilize the nation's courage. But if a full-fledged America suffered a real defeat from a small communist half-country, how can the West hope to stand firm in the future?

I have had occasion already to say that in the 20th century democracy has not won any major war without help and protection from a powerful continental ally whose philosophy and ideology it did not question. In World War II against Hitler, instead of winning that war with its own forces, which would certainly have been sufficient, Western democracy grew and cultivated another enemy who would prove worse and more powerful yet, as Hitler never had so many resources and so many people, nor did he offer any attractive ideas, or have such a large number of supporters in the West -- a potential fifth column -- as the Soviet Union. At present, some Western voices already have spoken of obtaining protection from a third power against aggression in the next world conflict, if there is one; in this case the shield would be China. But I would not wish such an outcome to any country in the world. First of all, it is again a doomed alliance with Evil; also, it would grant the United States a respite, but when at a later date China with its billion people would turn around armed with American weapons, America itself would fall prey to a genocide similar to the one perpetrated in Cambodia in our days.

Loss of Willpower
And yet -- no weapons, no matter how powerful, can help the West until it overcomes its loss of willpower. In a state of psychological weakness, weapons become a burden for the capitulating side. To defend oneself, one must also be ready to die; there is little such readiness in a society raised in the cult of material well-being. Nothing is left, then, but concessions, attempts to gain time and betrayal. Thus at the shameful Belgrade conference free Western diplomats in their weakness surrendered the line where enslaved members of Helsinki Watchgroups are sacrificing their lives.

Western thinking has become conservative: the world situation should stay as it is at any cost, there should be no changes. This debilitating dream of a status quo is the symptom of a society which has come to the end of its development. But one must be blind in order not to see that oceans no longer belong to the West, while land under its domination keeps shrinking. The two so-called world wars (they were by far not on a world scale, not yet) have meant internal self-destruction of the small, progressive West which has thus prepared its own end. The next war (which does not have to be an atomic one and I do not believe it will) may well bury Western civilization forever.

Facing such a danger, with such historical values in your past, at such a high level of realization of freedom and apparently of devotion to freedom, how is it possible to lose to such an extent the will to defend oneself?

Humanism and Its Consequences
How has this unfavorable relation of forces come about? How did the West decline from its triumphal march to its present sickness? Have there been fatal turns and losses of direction in its development? It does not seem so. The West kept advancing socially in accordance with its proclaimed intentions, with the help of brilliant technological progress. And all of a sudden it found itself in its present state of weakness.

This means that the mistake must be at the root, at the very basis of human thinking in the past centuries. I refer to the prevailing Western view of the world which was first born during the Renaissance and found its political expression from the period of the Enlightenment. It became the basis for government and social science and could be defined as rationalistic humanism or humanistic autonomy: the proclaimed and enforced autonomy of man from any higher force above him. It could also be called anthropocentricity, with man seen as the center of everything that exists.

The turn introduced by the Renaissance evidently was inevitable historically. The Middle Ages had come to a natural end by exhaustion, becoming an intolerable despotic repression of man's physical nature in favor of the spiritual one. Then, however, we turned our backs upon the Spirit and embraced all that is material with excessive and unwarranted zeal. This new way of thinking, which had imposed on us its guidance, did not admit the existence of intrinsic evil in man nor did it see any higher task than the attainment of happiness on earth. It based modern Western civilization on the dangerous trend to worship man and his material needs. Everything beyond physical well-being and accumulation of material goods, all other human requirements and characteristics of a subtler and higher nature, were left outside the area of attention of state and social systems, as if human life did not have any superior sense. That provided access for evil, of which in our days there is a free and constant flow. Merely freedom does not in the least solve all the problems of human life and it even adds a number of new ones.

However, in early democracies, as in American democracy at the time of its birth, all individual human rights were granted because man is God's creature. That is, freedom was given to the individual conditionally, in the assumption of his constant religious responsibility. Such was the heritage of the preceding thousand years. Two hundred or even fifty years ago, it would have seemed quite impossible, in America, that an individual could be granted boundless freedom simply for the satisfaction of his instincts or whims. Subsequently, however, all such limitations were discarded everywhere in the West; a total liberation occurred from the moral heritage of Christian centuries with their great reserves of mercy and sacrifice. State systems were becoming increasingly and totally materialistic. The West ended up by truly enforcing human rights, sometimes even excessively, but man's sense of responsibility to God and society grew dimmer and dimmer. In the past decades, the legalistically selfish aspect of Western approach and thinking has reached its final dimension and the world wound up in a harsh spiritual crisis and a political impasse. All the glorified technological achievements of Progress, including the conquest of outer space, do not redeem the Twentieth century's moral poverty which no one could imagine even as late as in the Nineteenth Century.

An Unexpected Kinship
As humanism in its development became more and more materialistic, it made itself increasingly accessible to speculation and manipulation at first by socialism and then by communism. So that Karl Marx was able to say in 1844 that "communism is naturalized humanism."

This statement turned out not to be entirely senseless. One does see the same stones in the foundations of a despiritualized humanism and of any type of socialism: endless materialism; freedom from religion and religious responsibility, which under communist regimes reach the stage of anti-religious dictatorship; concentration on social structures with a seemingly scientific approach. (This is typical of the Enlightenment in the Eighteenth Century and of Marxism). Not by coincidence all of communism's meaningless pledges and oaths are about Man, with a capital M, and his earthly happiness. At first glance it seems an ugly parallel: common traits in the thinking and way of life of today's West and today's East? But such is the logic of materialistic development.

The interrelationship is such, too, that the current of materialism which is most to the left always ends up by being stronger, more attractive and victorious, because it is more consistent. Humanism without its Christian heritage cannot resist such competition. We watch this process in the past centuries and especially in the past decades, on a world scale as the situation becomes increasingly dramatic. Liberalism was inevitably displaced by radicalism, radicalism had to surrender to socialism and socialism could never resist communism. The communist regime in the East could stand and grow due to the enthusiastic support from an enormous number of Western intellectuals who felt a kinship and refused to see communism's crimes. When they no longer could do so, they tried to justify them. In our Eastern countries, communism has suffered a complete ideological defeat; it is zero and less than zero. But Western intellectuals still look at it with interest and with empathy, and this is precisely what makes it so immensely difficult for the West to withstand the East.

Before the Turn
I am not examining here the case of a world war disaster and the changes which it would produce in society. As long as we wake up every morning under a peaceful sun, we have to lead an everyday life. There is a disaster, however, which has already been under way for quite some time. I am referring to the calamity of a despiritualized and irreligious humanistic consciousness.

To such consciousness, man is the touchstone in judging and evaluating everything on earth. Imperfect man, who is never free of pride, self-interest, envy, vanity, and dozens of other defects. We are now experiencing the consequences of mistakes which had not been noticed at the beginning of the journey. On the way from the Renaissance to our days we have enriched our experience, but we have lost the concept of a Supreme Complete Entity which used to restrain our passions and our irresponsibility. We have placed too much hope in political and social reforms, only to find out that we were being deprived of our most precious possession: our spiritual life. In the East, it is destroyed by the dealings and machinations of the ruling party. In the West, commercial interests tend to suffocate it. This is the real crisis. The split in the world is less terrible than the similarity of the disease plaguing its main sections.

If humanism were right in declaring that man is born to be happy, he would not be born to die. Since his body is doomed to die, his task on earth evidently must be of a more spiritual nature. It cannot unrestrained enjoyment of everyday life. It cannot be the search for the best ways to obtain material goods and then cheerfully get the most out of them. It has to be the fulfillment of a permanent, earnest duty so that one's life journey may become an experience of moral growth, so that one may leave life a better human being than one started it. It is imperative to review the table of widespread human values. Its present incorrectness is astounding. It is not possible that assessment of the President's performance be reduced to the question of how much money one makes or of unlimited availability of gasoline. Only voluntary, inspired self-restraint can raise man above the world stream of materialism.

It would be retrogression to attach oneself today to the ossified formulas of the Enlightenment. Social dogmatism leaves us completely helpless in front of the trials of our times.

Even if we are spared destruction by war, our lives will have to change if we want to save life from self-destruction. We cannot avoid revising the fundamental definitions of human life and human society. Is it true that man is above everything? Is there no Superior Spirit above him? Is it right that man's life and society's activities have to be determined by material expansion in the first place? Is it permissible to promote such expansion to the detriment of our spiritual integrity?

If the world has not come to its end, it has approached a major turn in history, equal in importance to the turn from the Middle Ages to the Renaissance. It will exact from us a spiritual upsurge, we shall have to rise to a new height of vision, to a new level of life where our physical nature will not be cursed as in the Middle Ages, but, even more importantly, our spiritual being will not be trampled upon as in the Modern era.

This ascension will be similar to climbing onto the next anthropologic stage. No one on earth has any other way left but -- upward.

-- -- --
Notes

[1] The Old Square in Moscow (Staraya Ploshchad') is the place where the [headquarters] of the Central Committee of the CPSU are located; it is the real name of what in the West is conventionally referred to as "the Kremlin."

Source: Texts of Famous Speeches at Harvard

St Aloysius Gonzaga

2008-06-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

I love being Catholic... for a thousand reasons, but here is just a little one: the Office of Readings! Discovering this treasury of spiritual readings was, for me, like discovering a new Island. Read Chesterton's Orthodoxy and you'll know what I'm referring to when I say "island" and then be sure to locate the Office of Readings, and bask in the Light of these saintly men and women!
From a letter written by St. Aloysius Gonzaga to his mother, as he was dying from the plague (St. Al's feast day was 21 June):

Take care above all things, most honored lady, not to insult God's boundless loving kindness; you would certainly do this if you mourned as dead one living face to face with God, one whose prayers can bring you in your troubles more powerful aid than they ever could on earth. And our parting will not be for long; we shall see each other again in heaven; we shall be united with our Savior; there we shall praise him with heart and soul, sing of his mercies for ever, and enjoy eternal happiness. When he takes away what he once lent us, his purpose is to store our treasures elsewhere more safely and bestow on us those very blessings that we ourselves would most choose to have.

Mary's Symbolic Value

2008-05-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

An excerpt from St. Edith Stein's Woman and Women:

Mary is the most perfect symbol of the church because she is its prefigurement and origin. She is also a unique organ of the church, that organ from which the entire Mystical Body, even the Head itself, was formed. She might be called, and happily so, the heart of the church in order to indicate her central and vital position in it. The terms body, head, and heart, are of course simply metaphors. But their meaning, nevertheless, is somehow absolutely real. There is a distinctive coherence between head and heart, and they certainly play an essential role in the human body; all other organs and limbs are dependent on them for their existence and function. Just as certainly, through her unique relation with Christ, Mary must have a real- that means here a mystic- relationship with the other members of the church. This relationship extends far above that of the other members in intensity, nature, and importance; it is analogous to the relationship which a mother has with her children, a relationship surpassing that which the children have among themselves. The title of Mary as our mother is not merely symbolic. Mary is our mother in the most real and lofty sense, a sense which surpasses that of earthly maternity. She begot our life of grace for us because she offered up her entire being, body, and soul, as the Mother of God.

That is why an intimate bond exists between Mary and ourselves. She loves us, she knows us, she exerts herself to bring each one of us into the closest possible relationship with the Lord- that which we are above all supposed to be. Of course, this is true for all humanity, but most particularly for women. The maternity and bridehood of the Virgo-Mater is continued, so to speak, in their maternity, natural and supernatural, and in their life as brides of Christ. And just as the heart sustains the other organs of woman's body and makes it possible for them to function, so we may genuinely believe there is just such a collaboration of Mary with every woman wherever that woman is fulfilling her vocation as woman; just so, there is a collaboration of Mary with us in all works of the church. But just as grace cannot achieve its work in souls unless they open themselves to it in free decision, so also Mary cannot function fully as a mother if people do not entrust themselves to her. Those women who wish to fulfill their feminine vocations in one of several ways will most surely succeed in their goals if they not only keep the ideal of the Virgo-Mater before their eyes and strive to form themselves to her guidance and place themselves completely under her care. She herself can form in her own image those who belong to her.

A Total Gift of Self

2008-05-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

Here is an excerpt from Archbishop Fulton Sheen's The World's First Love. Realizing that some of these words will rub many of you the wrong way, I encourage you to carefully read the text in its entirety. Do you think this is a Scriptural view of womanhood? Why or why not? In reading this, I was convicted of our call as Christians to be distinct from the world. Modern views of womanhood completely contradict Fulton Sheen's views, which not only are Christian, they are distinctly Catholic. The Catholic Church seems to be the only voice today that goes against modern views on, say, motherhood, sexuality, contraception, abortion, etc. Is this not intriguing? Here it is:

One of the most beautiful lessons in the world emerges from the Annunciation, namely, the vocation of woman to supreme religious values. Mary is here recapturing woman's vocation from the beginning, namely, to be to humanity the bearer of the Divine. Every mother is this when she gives birth to a child, for the soul of every child is infused by God. She thus becomes a co-worker with Divinity; she bears what God alone can give. As the priest in the order of Redemption, at the moment of Consecration, brings the crucified Savior to the altar, so the mother in the order of creation brings the spirit that issues from the Hand of God to the cradle of earth. With such thoughts in mind, Leon Bloy once said: "The more a woman is holy, the more she becomes a woman."

Why? It is not that women are naturally more religious than men. This statement is merely a rationalization made by men who have fallen from their ideals. Man and woman each have a specific mission under God to complement one another. Each, too, has its symbol in the lower order. Man may be likened to the animal in his acquisitiveness, mobility, and initiative. Woman may be likened to the flower, which is fixed between Heaven and earth; she is like the earth in her bearing of life; she is like Heaven in her aspirations to blossom upward to the Divine. The mark of man is initiative, but the mark of woman is cooperation. Man talks about freedom; woman about sympathy, love, sacrifice. Man cooperates with nature, woman cooperates with God. Man was called to till the earth, to "rule over the earth"; woman to be the bearer of a life that comes from God. The hidden wish of every woman in history, the secret desire of every feminine heart, is fulfilled in that instant when Mary says: "Fiat"- "Be it done unto me according to thy word."

Here is cooperation at its best. Here is the essence of womanhood- acceptance, resignation, submission: "Be it done unto me". Whether it be the unmarried daughter who cares for the mother with her Fiat of surrender to service, or the wife who accepts the husband in the unity of the flesh, or the saint who accepts little crosses proffered by her Savior, or this unique Woman whose soul submits to the Divine Mystery of mothering God made man- there is present in varying degrees the beautiful picture of woman in her sublimest vocation- making the Total Gift, accepting a Divine assignment, being submissive for Heaven's holy purposes. Mary calls herself ancilla Domini, the handmaid of the Lord. Not to be this for any woman lowers her dignity. Woman's unhappiest moments are when she is unable to give; her most hellish moments are when she refuses to give. Tragedy stalks when woman is forced by economic or social circumstances to busy herself in those materialities that hamper or dam up the outpouring of that specific quality of surrender to Divine Purpose that makes her a woman. Denied an outlet for the bursting need of giving, she feels a deeper sense of emptiness than a man, precisely because of the greater depths of her fountain of love.

For a woman to be the Collaborator with the Divine- whether it be helping the missions, visiting the sick after business hours, freely offering services to hospitals, or mothering her children- is to enjoy that equilibrium of spirit which is the essence of sanity. Liturgy speaks of woman as fulfilling mysterium caritatis: the mystery of love. And love does not mean to have, to own, to possess. It means to be had, to be owned, to be possessed. It is the giving of self for another. A woman may love God mediately through creatures, or she may love God immediately, as Mary did, but to be happy she must bring the Divine to the human. The explosive revolt of woman against her alleged inequalities with man is at bottom a protest against the restraints of a bourgeois civilization without faith, one that has chained her God-given talents.

What every woman wants in the "mystery of love" is not the bestial but the soul. Man is driven by love of pleasure; woman by the pleasure of love, by its meaning and the enrichment of soul it grants. In this beautiful moment of the Annunciation, woman reaches her sublimest fulfillment for God's sake. As the earth submits to the exigency of the seed for the sake of the harvest, as the nurse submits to the exigencies of the wounded for the sake of the healing, as the wife submits to the exigencies of the flesh for the sake of the child, so Mary submits to the exigencies of the Divine will for the sake of the Redemption of the world.

Closely allied with this submission is sacrifice. For submission is not passivity but action. Woman is capable of greater sacrifices than man, partly because her love is less intermittent, and also because she is unhappy without total and complete dedication. Woman is made for the sacred. She is Heaven's instrument on earth. Mary is the prototype, the pattern-woman who fulfills in herself the deepest aspirations of the heart of every daughter of Eve.

A New Pentecost of the Church in America

2008-05-09T08:55:00.001-07:00

by Benedict XVI

New York, homily at the Mass in St. Patrick's cathedral, Saturday, April 19, 2008

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,, [...] I would like to draw your attention to a few aspects of this beautiful structure which I think can serve as a starting point for a reflection on our particular vocations within the unity of the Mystical Body.

The first has to do with the stained glass windows, which flood the interior with mystic light. From the outside, those windows are dark, heavy, even dreary. But once one enters the church, they suddenly come alive; reflecting the light passing through them, they reveal all their splendor. Many writers – here in America we can think of Nathaniel Hawthorne – have used the image of stained glass to illustrate the mystery of the Church herself. It is only from the inside, from the experience of faith and ecclesial life, that we see the Church as she truly is: flooded with grace, resplendent in beauty, adorned by the manifold gifts of the Spirit. It follows that we, who live the life of grace within the Church’s communion, are called to draw all people into this mystery of light.

This is no easy task in a world which can tend to look at the Church, like those stained glass windows, “from the outside”: a world which deeply senses a need for spirituality, yet finds it difficult to “enter into” the mystery of the Church. Even for those of us within, the light of faith can be dimmed by routine, and the splendor of the Church obscured by the sins and weaknesses of her members. [...]

Yet the word of God reminds us that, in faith, we see the heavens opened, and the grace of the Holy Spirit lighting up the Church and bringing sure hope to our world. “O Lord, my God,” the Psalmist sings, “when you send forth your spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the earth” (Ps 104:30). These words evoke the first creation, when the Spirit of God hovered over the deep (cf. Gen 1:2). And they look forward to the new creation, at Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit descended upon the Apostles and established the Church as the first fruits of a redeemed humanity (cf. Jn 20:22-23). These words summon us to ever deeper faith in God’s infinite power to transform every human situation, to create life from death, and to light up even the darkest night. And they make us think of another magnificent phrase of Saint Irenaeus: “where the Church is, there is the Spirit of God; where the Spirit of God is, there is the Church and all grace” (Adv. Haer. III, 24, 1).

This leads me to a further reflection about the architecture of this church. Like all Gothic cathedrals, it is a highly complex structure, whose exact and harmonious proportions symbolize the unity of God’s creation. Medieval artists often portrayed Christ, the creative Word of God, as a heavenly “geometer”, compass in hand, who orders the cosmos with infinite wisdom and purpose. Does this not bring to mind our need to see all things with the eyes of faith, and thus to grasp them in their truest perspective, in the unity of God’s eternal plan? This requires, as we know, constant conversion, and a commitment to acquiring “a fresh, spiritual way of thinking” (cf. Eph 4:23). It also calls for the cultivation of those virtues which enable each of us to grow in holiness and to bear spiritual fruit within our particular state of life. Is not this ongoing “intellectual” conversion as necessary as “moral” conversion for our own growth in faith, our discernment of the signs of the times, and our personal contribution to the Church’s life and mission? [...]

Here, within the context of our need for the perspective given by faith, and for unity and cooperation in the work of building up the Church, I would like say a word about the sexual abuse that has caused so much suffering. I have already had occasion to speak of this, and of the resulting damage to the community of the faithful. Here I simply wish to assure you, dear priests and religious, of my spiritual closeness as you strive to respond with Christian hope to the continuing challenges that this situation presents. I join you in praying that this will be a time of purification for each and every particular Church and religious community, and a time for healing. And I also encourage you to cooperate with your Bishops who continue to work effectively to resolve this issue. May our Lord Jesus Christ grant the Church in America a renewed sense of unity and purpose, as all – Bishops, clergy, religious and laity – move forward in hope, in love for the truth and for one another.

Dear friends, these considerations lead me to a final observation about this great cathedral in which we find ourselves. The unity of a Gothic cathedral, we know, is not the static unity of a classical temple, but a unity born of the dynamic tension of diverse forces which impel the architecture upward, pointing it to heaven. Here too, we can see a symbol of the Church’s unity, which is the unity – as Saint Paul has told us – of a living body composed of many different members, each with its own role and purpose. Here too we see our need to acknowledge and reverence the gifts of each and every member of the body as “manifestations of the Spirit given for the good of all” (1 Cor 12:7). Certainly within the Church’s divinely-willed structure there is a distinction to be made between hierarchical and charismatic gifts (cf. Lumen Gentium, 4). Yet the very variety and richness of the graces bestowed by the Spirit invite us constantly to discern how these gifts are to be rightly ordered in the service of the Church’s mission. [...]

Dear brothers and sisters, [...] the spires of Saint Patrick’s Cathedral are dwarfed by the skyscrapers of the Manhattan skyline, yet in the heart of this busy metropolis, they are a vivid reminder of the constant yearning of the human spirit to rise to God. As we celebrate this Eucharist, let us thank the Lord for allowing us to know him in the communion of the Church, to cooperate in building up his Mystical Body, and in bringing his saving word as good news to the men and women of our time. And when we leave this great church, let us go forth as heralds of hope in the midst of this city, and all those places where God’s grace has placed us. In this way, the Church in America will know a new springtime in the Spirit, and point the way to that other, greater city, the new Jerusalem, whose light is the Lamb (Rev 21:23). For there God is even now preparing for all people a banquet of unending joy and life. Amen.

Petites mendiantes

2008-05-09T08:49:00.000-07:00

The Little Beggars

William Bouguereau

Hope?

2008-04-29T20:51:00.000-07:00

"Show the world the reason for the hope that resonates within you"

by Benedict XVI

New York, to the young people at Saint Joseph Seminary, Saturday, April 19, 2008

Dear young friends, [...] my own years as a teenager were marred by a sinister regime that thought it had all the answers; its influence grew – infiltrating schools and civic bodies, as well as politics and even religion – before it was fully recognized for the monster it was. It banished God and thus became impervious to anything true and good. Many of your grandparents and great-grandparents will have recounted the horror of the destruction that ensued. Indeed, some of them came to America precisely to escape such terror.

Let us thank God that today many people of your generation are able to enjoy the liberties which have arisen through the extension of democracy and respect for human rights. [...]

The power to destroy does, however, remain. To pretend otherwise would be to fool ourselves. Yet, it never triumphs; it is defeated. This is the essence of the hope that defines us as Christians; and the Church recalls this most dramatically during the Easter Triduum and celebrates it with great joy in the season of Easter! The One who shows us the way beyond death is the One who shows us how to overcome destruction and fear: thus it is Jesus who is the true teacher of life (cf. Spe Salvi, 6). His death and resurrection mean that we can say to the Father “you have restored us to life!” (Prayer after Communion, Good Friday). And so, just a few weeks ago, during the beautiful Easter Vigil liturgy, it was not from despair or fear that we cried out to God for our world, but with hope-filled confidence: dispel the darkness of our heart! dispel the darkness of our minds! (cf. Prayer at the Lighting of the Easter Candle).

What might that darkness be? What happens when people, especially the most vulnerable, encounter a clenched fist of repression or manipulation rather than a hand of hope?

A first group of examples pertains to the heart. Here, the dreams and longings that young people pursue can so easily be shattered or destroyed. I am thinking of those affected by drug and substance abuse, homelessness and poverty, racism, violence, and degradation – especially of girls and women. While the causes of these problems are complex, all have in common a poisoned attitude of mind which results in people being treated as mere objects „Ÿ a callousness of heart takes hold which first ignores, then ridicules, the God-given dignity of every human being. [...]

The second area of darkness – that which affects the mind – often goes unnoticed, and for this reason is particularly sinister. [...] Freedom is a delicate value. It can be misunderstood or misused so as to lead not to the happiness which we all expect it to yield, but to a dark arena of manipulation in which our understanding of self and the world becomes confused, or even distorted by those who have an ulterior agenda.

Have you noticed how often the call for freedom is made without ever referring to the truth of the human person? Some today argue that respect for freedom of the individual makes it wrong to seek truth, including the truth about what is good. In some circles to speak of truth is seen as controversial or divisive, and consequently best kept in the private sphere. And in truth’s place – or better said its absence – an idea has spread which, in giving value to everything indiscriminately, claims to assure freedom and to liberate conscience. This we call relativism. But what purpose has a “freedom” which, in disregarding truth, pursues what is false or wrong? How many young people have been offered a hand which in the name of freedom or experience has led them to addiction, to moral or intellectual confusion, to hurt, to a loss of self-respect, even to despair and so tragically and sadly to the taking of their own life? Dear friends, truth is not an imposition. Nor is it simply a set of rules. It is a discovery of the One who never fails us; the One whom we can always trust. In seeking truth we come to live by belief because ultimately truth is a person: Jesus Christ. That is why authentic freedom is not an opting out. It is an opting in; nothing less than letting go of self and allowing oneself to be drawn into Christ’s very being for others (cf. Spe Salvi, 28).

How then can we as believers help others to walk the path of freedom which brings fulfillment and lasting happiness? Let us again turn to the saints. How did their witness truly free others from the darkness of heart and mind? The answer is found in the kernel of their faith; the kernel of our faith. The Incarnation, the birth of Jesus, tells us that God does indeed find a place among us. Though the inn is full, he enters through the stable, and there are people who see his light. They recognize Herod’s dark closed world for what it is, and instead follow the bright guiding star of the night sky. And what shines forth? Here you might recall the prayer uttered on the most holy night of Easter: “Father we share in the light of your glory through your Son the light of the world … inflame us with your hope!” (Blessing of the Fire). And so, in solemn procession with our lighted candles we pass the light of Christ among us. It is “the light which dispels all evil, washes guilt away, restores lost innocence, brings mourners joy, casts out hatred, brings us peace, and humbles earthly pride” (Exsultet). This is Christ’s light at work. This is the way of the saints. It is a magnificent vision of hope – Christ’s light beckons you to be guiding stars for others, walking Christ’s way of forgiveness, reconciliation, humility, joy and peace. [...]

Dear friends, the example of the saints invites us, then, to consider four essential aspects of the treasure of our faith: personal prayer and silence, liturgical prayer, charity in action, and vocations. [...]

In the liturgy we find the whole Church at prayer. The word liturgy means the participation of God’s people in “the work of Christ the Priest and of His Body which is the Church” (Sacrosanctum Concilium, 7). What is that work? First of all it refers to Christ’s Passion, his Death and Resurrection, and his Ascension – what we call the Paschal Mystery. It also refers to the celebration of the liturgy itself. The two meanings are in fact inseparably linked because this “work of Jesus” is the real content of the liturgy. Through the liturgy, the “work of Jesus” is continually brought into contact with history; with our lives in order to shape them. Here we catch another glimpse of the grandeur of our Christian faith. Whenever you gather for Mass, when you go to Confession, whenever you celebrate any of the sacraments, Jesus is at work. Through the Holy Spirit, he draws you to himself, into his sacrificial love of the Father which becomes love for all. We see then that the Church’s liturgy is a ministry of hope for humanity. Your faithful participation, is an active hope which helps to keep the world – saints and sinners alike – open to God; this is the truly human hope we offer everyone (cf. Spe Salvi, 34). [...]

Friends, again I ask you, what about today? What are you seeking? What is God whispering to you? The hope which never disappoints is Jesus Christ. The saints show us the selfless love of his way. As disciples of Christ, their extraordinary journeys unfolded within the community of hope, which is the Church. It is from within the Church that you too will find the courage and support to walk the way of the Lord. Nourished by personal prayer, prompted in silence, shaped by the Church’s liturgy you will discover the particular vocation God has for you. Embrace it with joy. You are Christ’s disciples today. Shine his light upon this great city and beyond. Show the world the reason for the hope that resonates within you. Tell others about the truth that sets you free. With these sentiments of great hope in you I bid you farewell, until we meet again in Sydney this July for World Youth Day! And as a pledge of my love for you and your families, I gladly impart my Apostolic Blessing.

Feast of St. Mark the Evangelist

2008-04-25T08:02:00.001-07:00

Association of the four evangelists with the man, ox, lion, and eagle is depicted in art from ancient times (the above image from the Book of Kells) and throughout present times. The associations, derived essentially from scripture (Ezekiel 1:10-14, Ezekiel 1:4-10, Revelation 4:6-8) are also inspired by the writings of theologians such as St. Irenaeus of Lyons, St. Jerome, and St. Augustine. In the 2nd century, St. Irenaeus of Lyons (c.120-202 AD) tackeled various heretical claims regarding the number of Gospels in Scripture. We know there are four, thanks to the tradition of the Church. Here is what St. Irenaeus has to say to the heretics:

It is not possible that the Gospels can be either more or fewer in number than they are. For, since there are four zones of the world in which we live, and four principal winds, while the... "pillar and ground" of the Church is the Gospel and the spirit of life; it is fitting that she should have four pillars, breathing out immortality on every side.... He who was manifested to men, has given us the Gospel under four aspects, but bound together by one Spirit....

For the cherubim, too, were four-faced, and their faces were images of the dispensation of the Son of God. The first living creature was like a lion, symbolizing His effectual working, His leadership, and royal power; the second was like a calf, signifying His sacrificial and sacerdotal order; but the third had, as it were, the face as of a man - an evident description of His advent as a human being; the fourth was like a flying eagle, pointing out the gift of the Spirit hovering with His wings over the Church. And therefore the Gospels are in accord with these things, among which Christ Jesus is seated. "

(Against Heresies, 3.11.8)

Basilica San Marco, Venice:

Nave, interior San Marco:

Superabundant Love

2008-04-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

Further below is an excerpt from an interesting article dealing with finery used in Catholic Churches. This raises an objection to many who believe that the money used for such artistic but expensive items should be given to the poor. My first question is, is the Church uninvolved in serving the poor? In her religious communities especially, is she ignorant of the many calls from Scripture to serve the poor? Next, what (or rather, Who...) is the true Source of such materials as gold, marble, cloth, wood? And who is the true Source of architects, construction workers, painters, sculptors, and seamstresses who create such elaborate items as flying buttresses, steeples, frescoes, marble altars, and vestments? Where do they get their talents? Is this work idolatrous, or can it possibly be evidence of divine love, adoration, and devotion to the One on whom they depend for their existence?

At the anointing at Bethany, Mary Magdalene served Jesus in a very beautiful, intimate, and personal way. The perfume she used to annoint His feet was worth an entire year of wages. Judas, scandalized by her gesture, protested, saying "this money could have been used to give to the poor!" But he did not understand that love surpasses here. There is something incomprehensible in Mary's gesture; a superabundance of love. Judas is scandalized, as Father Philippe once said, "because he no longer loves, and sees only justice." Justice without love is not truly justice.

Mary did not hesitate to give her very best to Jesus. The perfume she used to anoint His feet could not be salvaged again. The superabundance of Mary Magdalene's love for Jesus touched Him, and the gesture of love itself reached even to the mystery of the Sepulchre, to which the anointing foreshadowed. Says Father Philippe, "only a gratuitous love can reach Jesus in the Sepulchre, because he did much more than an act of justice. He did more than just 'repair' our sins." So we do not do away with the mercy we should have for the poor, we go beyond mercy, because love has the primacy.

The aesthetic splendor of a Baroque or Gothic Cathedral interior is evidence of a deep love and devotion. Architects of a beautiful church surpass function, and achieve beauty for love of God.

So, we explore below in an article, entitled "Solemnity: The Crux of the Matter" by Dr. Peter Kwasniewski, professor at Wyoming Catholic College:

...[from a homily by a swiss priest:] "If we do not give the very best we have to God, we do not really believe in God at all. If we have gold, which is precious and costly and beautiful, we must use it for His glorification... [we must think of Him as] all-excelling, beyond everything we can give, so that we must give Him the best we can possibly manage to give, even (or especially) when it pinches our pockets. We have cut God down to our size and placed Him in a tiny budget, just as we would do when stocking our kitchen at home; we believe in Him weakly, or maybe not at all."

...Of the holy Cure of Ars, Saint John Vianney, who wore tattered clothes, slept on the floor, and subsisted on potatoes, we read: "When it was a question of the objects destined for divine worship, he could not find anything beautiful enough... his joy was unspeakable when he received from the Vicomte d'Ars a magnificent canopy, superb chasubles, banners, a large monstrance in silver gilt, a tabernacle of gilded copper, some beautiful candlesticks, and six reliquaries."

Jesus was born in a humble stable and placed in a manger, true; but the Wise Men did not bring him straw, dirt, and dung, they brought him costly royal gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. The way in which our Lord was born revealed His humility, which disdains earthly pomp; the way in which the three kings adored Him revealed their humility, which looked for the best they could offer, knowing in their wisdom that it was far beneath what He deserved. It is not for us to behave as if we were Jesus come into the world and thus to create churches that look like barns or stables or caves to receive us. It is rather our business to join the Magi and the shepherds in heeding the divine call that beckons us beyond our limits. Responding in faith, we must give our utmost to the Word-made-flesh.

One last comment. When Jesus is truly present in the Tabernacle, hidden under the appearance of bread, everything changes. Everything matters. Even Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity, who serve the poorest of the poor, use precious materials for Mass. Everything matters, even matter itself. We love Him with all that we are, all that we do, and all that we have. All the external realities that we come into contact with may be transformed, in His mercy, into a means of expressing love for Him, our Source.

The Church: Visible or Invisible?

2008-04-15T13:28:00.000-07:00

In his defense of the Catholic Church, St. Francis de Sales explained to 17th century Calvinists near Geneva the visibility of the Church, later receiving nearly the entire population of 72,000 back to the ancient Catholic faith:

"How did the ancient Jews begin their course as the people of God? By circumcision, a visible sign; and we by baptism, a visible sign. By whom were those of old governed? By the priests of the race of Aaron, visible men; - we by the bishops, visible men. By whom were the ancients brought taught? By the prophets and doctors, visibly; - we by our pastors and preachers, visibly. What religious and sacred food had the ancients to eat? The paschal lamb, the manna, it is all visible; - we have the most holy Sacrament of the Eucharist, a visible sign though of an invisible thing. By whom was the synagogue persecuted? By the Egyptians, Babylonians, Madianites, Philistines, all visible nations; - the Church by the pagans, Turks, Moors, Saracens, heretics; - all is visible. Goodness of God! - and we are still to ask whether the Church is visible! But what is the Church? An assembly of men who have flesh and bones; - and we are to say that it is but a spirit or phantom, which seems to be visible and is so only by illusion? No, no; Why are you troubled, and why do thoughts arise in your hearts? See her hands; behold her ministers, officers, and governors: see her feet; look at her preachers how they carry her east and west, north and south. All are flesh and bones. Feel her; come as humble children to throw yourselves into the bosom of this sweet mother. Consider her throughout her whole body, entirely beautiful as she is, and you will see that she is visible; for a spiritual and invisible thing hath not flesh and bones, as you see her to have."

(The collection of St. Francis de Sales' writings is compiled in a book entitled The Catholic Controversy, and deals with many other issues besides the visibility of the Church. It is excellent.)

Eucharistic Hunger VI

2008-04-14T12:50:00.001-07:00

"All you need is faith to be saved." This is true, but does God stop merely at what is "necessary"? When describing the Eucharist, Father Nathan Cromly says "the Eucharist is like the folly of God, a folly of love, which goes far beyond rationality. It is a language of love that can only be understood between lovers. God places Himself below us- He hides Himself, disguises Himself. God is hidden in the Eucharist, like He was hidden in Bethlehem. What love! It's such a folly that demons cannot understand it. God is crazily in love wih us, and gives Himself without limit. This is WHO we encounter in the Eucharist."
The Eucharist makes present the mystery of calvary, and goes even one step farther than the Cross. Says Mother Teresa of Calcutta, "the Cross shows us how much He loved us. The Eucharist shows us how much He loves us."

Eucharistic Hunger V

2008-04-09T13:50:00.000-07:00

When the people of Israel saw it, they said to one another, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was. And Moses said to them, “It is the bread that the Lord has given you to eat." ~Exodus 16:50

Jesus then said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, it was not Moses who gave you the bread from heaven, but my Father gives you the true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is he who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world.” They said to him, “Sir, give us this bread always.” ~John 6:32

Panis angelicus
fit panis hominum;
Dat panis coelicus
figuris terminum:
O res mirabilis!
Manducat Dominum
Pauper, servus et humilis.

Te trina Deitas
unaque poscimus:
Sic nos tu visita,
sicut te colimus;
Per tuas semitas
duc nos quo tendimus,
Ad lucem quam inhabitas.
Amen.

The Bread of Angels
becomes the bread of men;
The Bread of heaven
ends all prefigurations:
What wonder!
a poor and humble servant
consumes him, the Lord.

We beg of You,
God, One in Three
that you visit us,
as we worship You.
By your ways,
lead us who seek
the light in which You dwell.
Amen.

Panis Angelicus, by St. Thomas Aquinas

Eucharistic Hunger IV

2008-04-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

From a homily on Matthew 26, by St. John Chrysostom, 4th century:

Let us therefore be attentive to God. Let us not contradict him although what he says appears to be contrary to our reasoning and understanding. Thus we carry out in the Mysteries not only what appears to our senses but what his words tell us. For his word is not able to deceive; our senses are easily deceived. Because the Word says, "This is my Body", let us be attentive, let us believe, let us look upon him with the eyes of the spirit. For Christ did not give us something sensible; even in the sensible things, all is spiritual... How many there are who still say, "I want to see his shape, his image, his clothing, his sandals." Behold, you do see him, you touch him, you eat him! You want to see his clothing. He gives himself to you, not just to be seen but to be touched, to be eaten, to be received within... Let all of you be ardent, fervent, enthusiastic. If the Jews stood, shoes on, staff in hand, and eating in haste, how much more vigilant should you be. They were about to go to Palestine;... you are about to go to heaven.

1 John 1: 1-4
That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon and touched with our hands, concerning the word of life- the life was made manifest, and we saw it, and testify to it, and proclaim to you the eternal life which was with the Father and was made manifest to us-- that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you may have fellowship with us; and our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing this that our joy may be complete.

Eucharistic hunger III

2008-04-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

From St. Justin Martyr's Apology, 2nd Century:

This food we call Eucharist, which no one is allowed to share except the one who believes that our teaching is true, and who has been washed with the washing that is for the remission of sins, and unto regeneration, and so lives as Christ has handed down. For we do not receive these as common bread and common drink; but just as Jesus Christ our Savior, having been made flesh by the word of God, had both flesh and blood for our salvation, so likewise have we learned that the food over which thanks has been given by the prayer of the word which comes from him, and by which our blood and flesh and nourished through a change [Gk. kata metabolen], is the Flesh and Blood of the same incarnate Jesus. For the Apostles in the memoirs composed by them and that are called Gospels have thus handed on what was commanded them; namely, that Jesus took bread, and when he had given thanks, said, "Do this in remembrance of me; this is my Body"; and that, in like manner, having taken the cup and given thanks, he said, "this is my Blood", and gave it to them alone.

Happy Feast of the Annunciation

2008-03-31T10:46:00.000-07:00

(can anyone name the saint praying in the left corner? :))

Eucharistic hunger II

2008-03-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

From a letter of St. Ignatius of Antioch, 2nd Century, on his way to Rome to be martyred:

I am God's grain, and I am being ground by the teeth of wild beasts in order that I may be found [to be] pure bread for Christ.

My [earthly] love [lit. eros] has been crucified, and there is in me no fire of material love, but rather a living water, speaking in me and saying within me, "Come to the Father". I take no pleasure in corruptible food or in the delights of this life. I want the Bread of God, which is the Flesh of Jesus Christ, who is of the seed of David; and as drink I want his Blood, which is incorruptible love.

Eucharistic Hunger

2008-03-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

From a discourse on John 6:44 ("No one can come to me unless the Father draws him...") by St. Augustine:

Do not think that you are drawn unwillingly, because the mind is also drawn by love. Nor should we be afraid f men who weigh words but are far removed from understanding realities, especially divine realities and who perhaps reprove us in respect to this Gospel word as found in Holy Scripture, saying to us: "How am I to believe unwillingly, if I am drawn?" I respond, "It is a little thing, since you are also drawn willingly by pleasure." What does it mean to be drawn by pleasure? "Delight in the Lord and he will grant your heart's requests" (Ps 37:4). There is a certain pleasure of the heart to which this heavenly Bread is sweet. Indeed if the poet can say, "His pleasure draws each man" (Virgil, Eclogues 2), it is not necessity but pleasure; not obligation but delight. Should we not then say more forcefully that a man is drawn to Christ, who delights us with truth, delights us with happiness, delights us with justice, delights us with eternal life-- all of which Christ himself is? Or is it to be that the senses of the body have their pleasures while the mind is deprived of its own pleasure? If the mind does not have its own pleasure, how is it said, "The sons of men shall hope under the protection of your wings; they will be inebriated by the fullness of your house, and you will give them to drink from the torrent of your pleasure; because with you is the fountain of life, and in your light we see the light" (Ps 36:8-9)? Give me a man in love and he'll know what I am talking about. Give me one who is desirous and hungry and travelling as a pilgrim in this wilderness, one who is thirsting and yearning for the fountain of our eternal homeland, give me such a man and he'll know what I am talking about. But if I speak to someone who is frigid, he will not know what of I am speaking. Such were those who murmured among themselves, and so Jesus says, "Whomever the Father shall have drawn will come to me."

from the Bronx...

2008-03-13T19:57:00.000-07:00

my dear friends, seminarian Craig Clinch and Brother Innocent Mariae, in his fresh new habit. Photo taken at the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal in the Bronx, NY

Sancta Maria, ora pro nobis!

teaching... never a dull moment

2008-02-28T12:32:00.000-08:00

Two highlights of teaching in the past days:

1. My four year old violin student interrupted my explanation of proper bow-hold posture to tell me that he decided one of the rail cars in his train-set is actually a "jail car" and inside the jail car is a giraffe that "eats all the bad people."

Ingenius.

2. My Fine Arts 103 class is preparing for an essay exam over music of the Middle Ages. The guys who sit in the back came up with this mnemonic device for remembering the Mass Ordinary:

Kids Get Caught Stealing Apples

Just thought I'd spread the word, in case you ever forget the parts to the Mass Ordinary.

nearness

2008-02-26T18:32:00.000-08:00

I love this image of the beloved disciple:

Feast of the Chair of St. Peter

2008-02-22T12:57:00.000-08:00

from today's gospel reading:

And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Here is a collection of writings by the Early Church Fathers about having a visible authority for the church. Be sure to check out the dates on some of these writings (the 2nd century!)

Here is a thought-provoking article, dealing with some common misconceptions about the Pope. Dr. Scott Hahn, who used to be a Presbyterian minister, walks through some of the Scriptural defenses for the Chair of St. Peter, and clears up the misunderstandings he had in his own experience (and that I had in mine, prior to my conversion!)

Here is an excerpt on infallibility from the Catholic Encyclopedia.

something like heaven?

2008-02-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

Take a look at these

2008-02-18T20:39:00.001-08:00

don't forget what awaits us...
warmth and color...
3 more minute of sunlight each day...

Rome:

Warsaw:

Spokane, WA:

Prague:

Vienna:

color synathesia part II

2008-02-15T12:42:00.001-08:00

Check out the dino-comic for February 15

Apparently we synethetes have superpowers! Yesssss.

from the mystical pages of...

2008-02-13T10:20:00.000-08:00

Hildegard of Bingen, regarding the Holy Trinity:
c. 1230

As a flame has three qualities, so there is one God in three Persons. How? A flame is made up of brilliant light and red power and fiery heat. It has brilliant light that it may shine, and red power that it may endure, and fiery heat that it may burn. Therefore, by the brilliant light understand the Father, Who with paternal love opens His brightness to His faithful; and by the red power which is in the flame that it may be strong, understand the Son, Who took on a body born from a Virgin, in which His divine wonders were shown; and by that fiery heat understand the Holy Spirit, Who burns ardently in the minds of the faithful. But there is no flame seen where there is neither brilliant light nor red power nor fiery heat; and thus also where neither the Father nor the Son nor the Holy Spirit is known God is not properly worshipped. Therefore as these three qualities are found in one flame, so Three Persons must be understood in Unity of the Divinity.

Fascinating, no? "Red power" is especially curious. Does anyone know if this a proper translation of the text? An appropriately vivid quality to her revelations...

2008-02-10T16:20:00.000-08:00

Lent is a time when we relive the passion of Christ. Let it not be just a time when our feelings are aroused, but let it be a change that comes through cooperation with God's grace in real sacrifices of self. Sacrifice, to be real, must cost; it must hurt; it must empty us of self. Let us go through the passion of Christ day by day.

~Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Check this...

2008-02-03T21:00:00.003-08:00

Yes, check this out right now:
The Human Experience.

leavin' on a jetplane

2007-12-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

to this place:

I don't leave for another week, but since I am moving to a new place across town, my computer will be in a box, so no posts until February! Stay tuned... in the meantime, be at peace during this Advent season! Merry Christmas!!!

Eternity

2007-12-12T19:02:00.001-08:00

Today I spent the afternoon chopping away at the iceberg formed around my car from the ice storm two nights ago. A quarter inch of ice! Later today, as I was driving across town, something seemed different. I finally realized it was the sun coming through the clouds, creating a golden hue that I hadn't seen for ages, it seemed. All too easy we get used to grayness, on a physical as well as spiritual level. Let us not forget to pray for hope. I'm reminded of CS Lewis' The Great Divorce, where the realities of heaven are far more real than anything with which we come into contact here on earth. As long as we keep living in a box, day to day, never looking up, we will forget about eternity, and life will be grayness. Look up, for there is love and light! From Pope Benedict's latest encyclical:

"To imagine ourselves outside the temporality that imprisons us and in some way to sense that eternity is not an unending succession of days in the calendar, but something more like the supreme moment of satisfaction, in which totality embraces us and we embrace totality—this we can only attempt. It would be like plunging into the ocean of infinite love, a moment in which time—the before and after—no longer exists. We can only attempt to grasp the idea that such a moment is life in the full sense, a plunging ever anew into the vastness of being, in which we are simply overwhelmed with joy. This is how Jesus expresses it in Saint John's Gospel: "I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you" (16:22). We must think along these lines if we want to understand the object of Christian hope, to understand what it is that our faith, our being with Christ, leads us to expect"

Happy Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe

2007-12-12T11:51:00.001-08:00

"¿No estoy yo aquí que soy tu madre?" ~Nuestra Señora
de Guadalupe

ski expedition

2007-12-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

Theotokos

2007-12-06T12:14:00.000-08:00

From Father Maximilian Kolbe:

For flowers of virtue to blossom in our soul, they must be heated by the warmth of [Mary]. Just as a child understands and instinctively feels it will be nurtured near its mother, so does the soul develop near the Mother of God. It must be nursed at her breast in order to live.

The image of divine beauty

2007-12-04T17:30:00.000-08:00

From Father Saward's Redeemer in the Womb (I believe this excerpt is from a Byzantine hymn from the first centuries of the church):

Mary, the Virgin, shines as the image of divine beauty, the abode of Eternal Wisdom, the figure of the one who prays, the prototype of contemplation, the image of glory: she who even in her earthly life possessed the spiritual knowledge inaccessible to human reasoning and who attained through faith the most sublime knowledge...

O consecrated temple and paradise beyond all sensing, glory of virgins, of whom God, who is our God before all the ages, was incarnate and became a little child. For he made of thy womb a throne, and thy belly did he make more spacious than the heavens, In thee doth all creation rejoice, O thou who art full of glory, glory to thee!

Hope

2007-11-30T07:47:00.000-08:00

Spe salvi facti sumus. Here is Pope Benedict's latest encyclical. Phenomenal as we come upon the season of Advent. And below is hope conveyed in verse by St. Ephrem; it gives us hope because Our Lord became poor, poor like us humans, to save us:

The Lord came to her
to make himself a servant.
The Word came to her
to keep silence in her womb.
The lightning came to her
to not make any noise.

The shepherd came to her
and the Lamb is born, who humbly cries.
Because Mary's womb
has reversed the roles:
The one who created all things
wasn't born rich, but poor.

The Almighty came to her,
but he came humbly.
Splendor came to her,
but dressed in humble clothes.
The One who gives us all things
met hunger.

The One who gives water to everyone
met thirst.
Naked and unclothed he came from her,
he who dresses all things (with beauty).

~Hymn De Nativitate 11, 6-8

Saint of the Divine Indwelling

2007-11-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

He is always near to you. Be always near to Him. ~Bl. Eliz.

Friday, November 9th is the feast day of Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity (formerly Marie Elizabeth Catez). She was born in Dijon, France in 1880, and throughout her youth devoted herself to the piano. Her first and greatest love was the Blessed Sacrament, and in response to His Call, she entered the Carmel of Dijon at the age of 21. She died of Addison's disease, 26 years young. In her short life, she composed much poetry, in addition to a prolific output of spiritual doctrine. Anyone interested in Christian mysticism would find her writing compelling. I often turn to her as I seek to understand the Christian interior life. Here is a sampling of her writing, which is generous in its beautiful imagery:

A praise of glory is a soul that lives in God, that loves God, that loves Him beyond all His gifts... It is a soul of silence that remains like a lyre under the mysterious touch of the Holy Spirit... a soul that gazes on God in faith and simplicity, a reflector of all that He is, an abyss into which He can flow and expland, a crystal through which He can radiate.

The Eucharist: Heart of Christ

2007-11-07T22:27:00.000-08:00

And yet another Carmelite, St. Edith Stein, or Sister Teresa Benedicta a Cruce, joins with St. Therese of Lisieux, Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity, and many other Carmelites, in praising our Lord's merciful outpouring of love in the Eucharist. In this poem, Edith Stein captures the quiet mystery of Our Lord, His heart hidden within the tabernacle, disguised under the appearance of bread. It reminds me of our Lord's incarnation, for He chose a similar mysterious, quiet, and hidden means of taking on human flesh. That is, He deigned to take the form even of a human embryo, hidden inside Mary's womb for nine months! What intimacy Mary had with her Son, True God and True Man, and what intimacy we likewise can seek to have with Jesus. As His heart was beating softly within Mary's body, so may we listen for His heart in quiet prayer. And if we receive Him at Mass, may we let Him transform our stony hearts into His natural heart, as expressed in this poem by St. Edith Stein:

...Within the heart of Jesus pierced with lances,
The realms of Heaven and earth become united.
And here we find the spring of life itself.

This is the heart of Trinity divine,
The center also of all human hearts.
Source of our life from God.

It draws us close with its mysterious might,
It keeps us safe within the Father's lap
And floods us with the Holy Spirit.

This heart beats in a tiny tabernacle
Where it remains in hidden mystery,
Within that orbit, silent, white.

That is your royal throne, O Lord, on earth,
Which You have built for us, plainly to see.
It pleases You when I draw near.

Your eyes look deeply into mine with love,
And to my whispered words You bend Your ear.
You fill my heart with deepest peace.

And yet Your love cannot be satisfied
By this exchange, for there remains a gap,
Your heart still asks for more.

Each morn You come to me at early Mass,
Your flesh and blood become my food and drink;
And wonders are accomplished.

Your body permeates mine mysteriously,
I feel Your soul becoming one with mine:
I am no longer what I used to be.

You come and go, but still the seed remains
Which You have sown for future splendor,
Hid in the body made from dust.

A heavenly radiance lingers in the soul,
And deeply shines a light within the eye,
A vibrant music in the voice.

The tie remains connecting heart to heart,
The stream of life which wells from You and gives
Life to each limb.

How wondrous are the marvels of Your love,
We are amazed, we stammer and grow dumb,
For word and spirit fail us.

~St. Edith Stein; I will stay with You

The Eucharist: Divine Spouse

2007-11-06T12:27:00.000-08:00

Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity, also a Carmelite, composed this poem in a state of ecstasy with Jesus, her Spouse, in the Eucharist. The nearness she experiences with Him is one that not a spiritual relationship in the abstract, but rather a physical and spiritual relationship by means of Holy Communion. He is not just her Lord in Heaven, He is also her Sustenance on earth.

O Jesus of the Eucharist,
My spouse, my love, my life,
How I love to listen to you,
To speak to you, to see you every evening.
O, how sweet are these tears...
You, my supreme love, O my king,
My Jesus, captive and solitary,
When I am near you,
It seems to me that I am no longer on earth.
When I hear your voice,
O my spouse, O my good master,
My whole being is silenced.
I hear and see nothing but you.
O those sublime, ecstatic moments,
Intimate and sweet union,
When my heart beats in unison with my savior!
Would that I could spend
Long hours in that holy abode.
Would that I could live eternally close to Jesus,
My sole love...
Nothing keeps me on earth.
Jesus alone can satisfy me.
Apart from Jesus, I care for nothing.
He is my treasure, my sole wealth.
Near to him I am happy.
He is my life and my love.
For him I am eager to suffer, yes, to suffer for ever!
O, to suffer and to prove thereby that I love him,
Jesus, my only love!
Jesus, God of the Eucharist!
Jesus, my sustenance, my life!
Jesus who deigns to choose me,
That I may love him, console him
And suffer with and for him.
~Bl. Elizabeth of the Trinity, Perpetual Adoration

Jesus said: "I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world... Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him on the last day. For my flesh is is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him. Just as the living Father sent me and I have life because of the Father, so also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me. This is the bread that came down from heaven. Unlike your ancestors who ate and still died, whoever eats this bread will live forever." ~John 6

The Eucharist: Bread from Heaven

2007-11-05T06:22:00.000-08:00

Therese of Lisieux, The Little Flower, found Heaven on Earth in receiving the Eucharist at Holy Communion. Carmelites like Therese compose poetry because there is no other way to communicate in words the beautiful mystery of living in Union with Christ, physically and spiritually. Her language is spousal, and as I mentioned before, intimate, personal, artistic, and simple.

Living Bread, Bread of Heaven, Divine Eucharist,
O touching mystery produced by Love,
Come dwell within my heart, Jesus, my white Host...
Deign to unite me unto Thee, O holy and sacred Vine,
That my feeble branch may yield its fruit to Thee;
And I will offer Thee a gilded cluster...
This cluster of love of which the grapes are souls."

~Living Bread

Heaven for me is hidden in a little Host
Where Jesus, my Spouse, is veiled for love.
I go to that divine Furnace to draw out life,
And there my Swet Savior listens to me night and day.
"Oh! What a happy moment when in your tenderness
You come, my Beloved, to transform me into yourself.
That union of love, that ineffable intoxication,
That is Heaven for me!"

~Heaven

Transubstantiation.

2007-11-04T21:03:00.000-08:00

I remember learning about "transubstantiation" for an Intro to Christianity class during my undergraduate studies. As a Protestant, the term sounded so foreign to me, and its definition, which I memorized for an exam, seemed very far-fetched. "Another one of those silly Catholic inventions," thought I. Never would I have guessed that 7 years later this foreign-sounding term would become a real, concrete, intimate and thus highly personal reality that would saturate my life with meaning.

Transubstantiation. Oddly enough, the word "transubstantiation" is seldom mentioned among Catholics, and rarely does the word cross my mind. It would be... impersonal, mechanical, too-academic, to call this incredible event "transubstantiation" in day-to-day conversation among friends. Can you picture it? "Hey, roommate, how was Transubstantiation today?" Contemplative monks and nuns (*cough* Therese of Lisieux *cough*) don't mention "Transubstantiation" in their poetry. Ok, maybe because the word itself isn't especially poetic... At any rate, they instead refer directly to Jesus, and their thirst, desire, and yearning for Union with His Body and Blood. They don't use the academic term "transubstantiation" but mention the Person Himself, Jesus Christ, in the Eucharist. It is a relationship- a "living" one, to borrow Protestant terminology, in the truest, most divine, and yet most concrete and earthy sense.

Herein lies the difficulty of being a Protestant trying to understand Catholicism. Catholics know transubstantiation by experience, not by what they've read in a textbook. It is a reality that is difficult to put into words. This is true for many components of the faith. The truth and beauty of the faith must be experienced from the inside. Before my conversion, I wrestled with this for two years, and every time I went to Mass I felt so angry. "How can they make this incredible claim," I thought, squirming in the pew, "and then exclude non-Catholics from the table?? This is madness!" My journal entries from this "era" of my life are filled with mockery of the Church. It was all because I didn't understand- and the anger was coming from a place deep within me that was angry with DESIRE and LOVE for God. Finally I was given the Grace of an "inside" experience as a non-Catholic, which was silent prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. I recognized Him, hidden under the appearance of bread, and I knew.

So, books and definitions of terms only took me so far. After 6 years of study, I was intellectually convinced (and also exhausted!) that I'd found the truth. But it took that extra step, or rather, the leap of faith, to step inside the Church, and say YES to His call. All within His timing, all within His will.

carmelite poetry

2007-11-04T12:46:00.000-08:00

Little Key, oh I envy you!
For each day you can open
The prison of the Eucharist
Where the God of Love resides.
But, O what a sweet miracle!
By just an effort of my faith
I can also open the tabernacle
To hide near the Divine King.

Being consumed near my God
In the sanctuary, I would like
To burn forever with mystery
Like the Lamp of the Holy Place...
Oh! What happiness... I have flames within me,
And each day I can win
A great number of souls for Jesus,
Inflaming them with His love...

At each daybreak I envy you,
O Sacred Altar Stone!
As in the blessed stable,
On you the Eternal One wants to be born...
Ah! Deign to grant my prayer.
Come into my soul, Sweet Savior...
Far from being a cold stone,
It is the sight of your Heart!

O Corporal surrounded by angels!
How enviable is your lot.
On you, as in his humble swaddling clothes,
I see Jesus, my only treasure.
Virgin Mary, change my heart
Into a pure, beautiful Corporal
To receive the white host,
Where your Sweet Lamb hides.

Holy Paten, I envy you.
Upon you Jesus comes to rest
Oh! May his infinite grandeur
Deign to humble itself even to me...
Fulfilling my hope, Jesus
Does not wait until the evening of my life.
He comes within me; by his presence
I am a living Monstrance!

Oh! How I envy the happy chalice
Where I adore the divine Blood...
But at the Holy Sacrifice
I can take it in each morning.
To Jesus my soul is dearer
Than precious vessels of gold.
The Altar is a new Calvary
Where his Blood still flows for me.

Jesus, holy and sacred Vine,
O my Divine King, You know
I am a cluster of golden grapes
Which must disappear for you.
Under the wine press of suffering,
I shall prove my love for you.
I want no other joy
Than to sacrifice myself each day.
Ah! What joy I am chosen
Among the grains of pure Wheat
Who lose their lives for Jesus...
My delight is truly great!...
I am your dear spouse,
My Beloved, come live in me,
Oh! Come, your beauty has ravished me,
Deign to transform me into you!

~St. Therese of Lisieux; My Desires Near Jesus Hidden in His Prison of Love

a birthday gift?

2007-11-03T20:18:00.001-07:00

The other day I was preparing a lecture to give to my Fine Arts 103 students. We are presently covering the Classical era, and having discussed solo, chamber, and symphonic music, we began a new discussion on sacred music. Which of course begs for a study on Mozart's Requiem.

A couple years ago, the UNL symphony orchestra collaborated with the UNL choir, combined with other choirs from around Lincoln, to perform Mozart's Requiem for his birthday in February. Yes, it's true, we performed a Requiem -- a Mass for the DEAD-- for his birthday. huh. Anyway, since I performed violin in the symphony, I was so focused on technique and the usual "playing all the right notes" that I never acquainted myself with the meaning of the text. And since I was not Catholic at the time, I had never, ever, heard a Requiem Mass.

So, just two days ago, I finally got around to studying the texts of the Requiem Mass, partly out of necessity for this lecture. But also out of interest as a new Catholic. You know, timing is funny. In the liturgical calendar, November 2nd is All Souls day. The day of my lecture on Mozart's Requiem was, of course, November 2nd. The evening of All Soul's day, I was scheduled to chant for a Requiem Mass in the evening. All the prayers in the Office were about death. The WHOLE DAY was saturated with DEATH! Is this morbid or what? I'll get back to that. Here is a portion of the text from the Requiem:

Eternal rest grant them, O Lord,
and may perpetual light shine upon them.
A hymn, O God, becometh Thee in Sion.
and a vow shall be paid to Thee in Jerusalem.

Hear my prayer;
to Thee all flesh shall come.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.

The phrases "eternal rest" and "perpetual light" particularly struck me. Mozart depicts these two elements beautifully throughout the Requiem. He contrasts these themes with the wrath and judgment of Our Lord, but never lets the darker themes overpower the continual plea for mercy and the hope in His love.

There is nothing more poignant than to give this text life through the liturgy. For a beautiful recording of the original (not Mozart's) Requiem, tune in to Holy Whapping blog and listen!

In the meantime, I recommend a long walk in solitude through a cemetery at twilight... when the shadows cast behind the graves are long... you could read from the Office for the Dead (which if you don't have it, includes Psalm 40 & 42, I Corinthians 15: 12-57).

One last thought... St. Elizabeth Ann Seton suffered the death of her young husband and two children. Her biographer writes of her "no saint ever had a more constant eye on eternity than Elizabeth Seton. It was the star she steered by. It motivated everything-- love of God and neighbor, every action spiritual and temporal."

St. Elizabeth Ann Seton once sent her friend an unusual birthday gift; that is, prayers for preparation for death. This would make anyone feel a little awkward and perhaps irked. So Elizabeth wrote an apology letter later on, saying "I fear you did not understand sufficiently my meaning in the use of those little prayers I gave you- which was to impress on your mind the necessity of preparing for a blessed death... reflecting on a birthday on earth more easily transfers our thoughts to the birthday of our future existence." Later she says "Eternity, oh how near it often seems to me... How long will be that day without a night or that night without a day. May we praise and bless and adore forever."

Perhaps it wasn't so weird to perform Mozart's Requiem on his birthday after all...

tis the eve of all saints day...

2007-10-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

For a visual feast-for-the-eyes, check out Hallowed Ground blog for fabulous pictures related to the Communion of Saints...

Head Coverings?

2007-10-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

From a sermon by Father Robert Fromageot, on the wearing of veils at Mass:

As we know, at every Mass, bread and wine are substantially changed into the Body and Blood of Christ such that Christ, the perfect Image of God the Father, the Source of all life, is contained under the species of a little bread and wine. In this way, Our Lord makes Himself our daily bread as we make our way to heaven, the ultimate Promise Land.

Needless to say, everything about the Holy Eucharist is sacred. That is, we have in the Holy Eucharist not only a great good, but also a dangerous good—dangerous because if we approach the Blessed Sacrament unworthily, we do ourselves great harm. As St. Thomas reminds us in his Lauda Sion: Sumunt boni, sumunt mali: Sorte tamen inæquali, Vitæ vel interitus. Mors est malis, vita bonis: Vide paris sumptionis Quam sit dispar exitus. (The good receive, the bad receive, yet with a disparate fate of life or death. It is death to the bad, it is life to the good. See how unlike the effect of the same reception.)

Among the many different ways in which the sense of the sacred is brought out during the liturgy, the use of veils is perhaps the most obvious one. Whatever contains or is meant to contain the Blessed Sacrament is usually veiled: the tabernacle, the chalice, the ciborium, the monstrance. And even when the veil is removed from the chalice, the liturgy provides other ways to veil it. At each moment of the double consecration, when the celebrant pronounces the words that brings forth Our Lord upon the altar in the species of bread and wine, he bends over the bread and wine, and places his arms upon the altar, the symbol of Christ. Such a gesture is meant to show the priest’s union with Christ at that moment, while also helping the priest to focus his entire attention on the consecration. Physically speaking, however, the priest is literally covering the species, veiling them, as it were, and thus producing the same effect as any other veil: namely, he manifests the sacredness of the moment of Consecration. In this way, the ancient rite gently inculcates in the faithful a proper disposition towards Our Lord contained in the Blessed Sacrament.

Consider also, the function of those things which are ordinarily veiled: the tabernacle, the chalice, etc. All of these are vessels of the very Source of life, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the Light and Life and of the World. It is because these vessels are designated to contain Christ Himself that they are sacred vessels; hence, they are used for no other purpose than to receive and contain the Blessed Sacrament. At one time, only bishops, priests, and deacons were permitted to open the tabernacle, handle the sacred vessels, and touch the Sacred Host with their hands. All of these vessels, moreover, but especially the chalice, are usually made with great care out of gold and silver, jewels and precious stones. Finally, the chalice is the only vessel that is consecrated by a bishop and anointed with oil. Little wonder, then, that the chalice veil is invariably the most beautiful of all the veils found in the sanctuary.

Taking our cue from the use of veils in the sanctuary, we can say that every woman who embraces the ancient tradition of wearing a veil creates a wonderful harmony between herself as a vessel of life and the vessels that hold Life itself. Like Our Lord contained in the Blessed Sacrament, a woman shares with Him a certain vulnerability. For just as a person who does not respect the Body and Blood of Christ can have his way with the Lord by receiving Him unworthily, so too can a man who has no respect for the opposite sex easily overpower her and have his way with her. Moreover, just as Our Lord makes Himself vulnerable by being born anew upon our altars under the perishable species of bread and wine, so too a woman shares in the vulnerability of her newborn infant in the very act of giving birth to him, to say nothing of the extra help many women need when they are pregnant.

Women are also sacred, inasmuch as the rise or fall of civilizations depends largely on how men regard and treat them, and how women understand and treat themselves. Just as only those who have committed themselves to the Lord through a life of celibacy may justly touch the Holy Eucharist with their hands, so too only those men who have committed themselves to their wives through the bonds of holy matrimony may justly “touch” a woman in a way that may bring new life into the world. For women are vessels of new life, life made according to the image and likeness of God Himself, just as the tabernacle, chalice, and ciborium contain the Image of God, Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Of all the sacred vessels, however, women are best likened to the chalice of the Precious Blood. For when a woman conceives and bears a child, it is through her blood that the life of the child is sustained and nourished. Similarly, the Bride of Christ, the Church, is said to sustain her members through the Blood of Christ. For just as Eve was taken from the side of Adam, the fathers of the Church see in the blood and water flowing from the side of Our Lord the birth of His Church: the New Eve, the Bride of Christ, which sustains and nourishes her members through the grace of the sacraments.

The leading lights of our age often claim to champion the rights of women, and in certain respects the claim is legitimate. At the same time, however, our age has clearly not sought to protect and foster the sacred dignity of women. On the contrary, society would have us remove our wedding garment, divest ourselves of Christ, and put on the “old man” and make ample provision for the flesh. Men are practically encouraged to treat women as mere objects of pleasure, and women are encouraged to seek this degrading form of attention and accept it as normal and compatible with their dignity. Men and women, but especially women, have become desensitized to using contraceptives, choosing abortion, and embracing sterilization. In short, our society no longer respects or values the gift of fertility; society no longer honors the unique privilege of being a woman. Consequently, it no longer cultivates the responsibility that necessarily accompanies this gift, this privilege. This collective failure on the part of society has wreaked havoc, and it is far from certain that we shall recover and escape dissolution and destruction.

Sadly, some forty years ago millions of Catholics decided to put on the old man when they rejected the teaching of the Church concerning contraception. Around the same time, the ancient tradition of wearing veils or head coverings of any sort was likewise abandoned. Knowing what the veil stands for, it is difficult to not to regard that these two events — the rejection of the Church’s teaching on contraception on the one hand and the liturgical practice of wearing veils and head coverings on the other — as wholly unrelated. Indeed, many took both events as a step forward in the emancipation of women from so-called male dominance.

But as members of the Mystical Body of Christ, we should know better. We have all been called to the wedding banquet of the Lamb; we have received our wedding garment. Knowing, therefore, that many are called but few are chosen, let us cherish that garment and pray never to be without it. On the contrary, let us ever implore the divine assistance always to “put off the old man” with all of its deceitful lusts, and ever strive to be renewed in the spirit of our minds. Let us “put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh.”

the search

2007-10-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

Philosophy is not... a critical questioning of the Christian faith by the contemporary world, but a search for truth about what man is in all of his dimensions, a formation of the human person at the school of existing reality, becoming an authentic wisdom capable of enlightening the person on the ultimate meaning of his life and of his spirit. This is essential today for youth, who are avid for the truth, but terribly marked by the contemporary ideological and critical climate. In addition to this, philosophy is paramount for an apostle: in a dechristianized world like ours, don't we need, more than ever, the sense of man, his dignity and greatness, as well as the sense of errors which can often disfigure him and cause him to waste time?

Philosophical wisdom, allied with a living faith, is what permits one to enter into a true theology at the service of the Word of God, in the most profound and authentic Tradition of the Church. In fact, most theological errors stem from philosophical errors, those of an intelligence marked by ideologies and the imagination.

What you have just read is taken out of an informational brochure on the formation of the Community of St. John. This charism, the search for truth and the discipline of study, is unique to the community, which has sprouted over 1,000 communities all over the world in the past 30 years. What could possibly attract this many individuals, from 1st and 3rd world countries alike, to a life of sacrifice other than a specific calling by God to this search for truth? Jesus' calling is one that crosses all boundaries, that knows no hindrance. And it is an attractive calling because its tool is the Tradition of the Church in synch with the Word of God.

The Christian tradition is so rich, plunging deep into history. I was talking yesterday with a priest who mentioned an event that happened 400 years ago-- "but," he said, "400 years ago isn't long for a Catholic!" It's true. At St. Paul's Outside the Walls in Rome there are mosaics of all the popes in the Church's history, starting with St. Peter, and winding all around the church, some in shadows and some in the light, a continuous and visual proof of Apostolic Succession. The present pope's mosaic is lit up. As in this picture, you see the late Pope John Paul II in the shadows next to the mosaic of Pope Benedict XVI:

And so the Brothers and Sisters of the Community of St. John have devoted themselves to the Church, to study, work, and prayer. And in their intellectual work, they "search before all else a knowledge of the Word of God in accordance with the most authentic and deepest traditions of the Church, through the Fathers of the Church and St. Thomas Aquinas." To think what a tool the tradition of the Church is in evangelism- to a world thirsty for the truth and yet completely aimless in their quest.

wisdom

2007-10-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

Karol Wojtyla.

His writing style is dense and often requires of me a cup of coffee to sip beforehand... but it never fails to awaken the intellect. His book Love and Responsibility answers many of the "grey area" questions that burned in my mind throughout my teenage years and into the present-- questions about love, dating, relationships etc. His approach is a philosophical one, which because of its inherent truth attracts Christians and non Christians alike:

For love to attain its full personal value, and truly to unite a man and a woman, it must be firmly based on the affirmation of the value of the person. From this, it is simply progression to whole-hearted desire of the beloved person's good- a good worthy of the person. This it is that gives love its character of a 'bringer of happiness.' Men and women desire love in anticipation of the happiness which it can bring into their lives...

What is most essential to love is affirmation of the value of the person; this is the basis on which the will of the loving subject strives for the true good of the beloved person, the entire and perfect good, the absolute good, which is identical with happiness. Such a disposition of the will in a loving person is totally incompatible with an utilitarian inclination

I feel rather like posting his entire book, Love and Responsibility, on this blog... so you may as well just read it. Cutting off this quote is like turning off Beethoven's 9th right before the chorus enters with its famous tune! Karol Wojtla's writing is dense, it's true, but so rewarding, and thus refreshing. There is such a hodge-podge of books in the "Christian Inspiration" section of Barnes and Noble on love and dating etc. etc. I mean seriously. They all have those dippy covers with photos of smooching couples. But the GEM that everyone is over-looking is Love and Responsibility. You might have to hunt for it... in the meantime, if there is interest I can post some more quotes...

Flying Letters

2007-10-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

Look carefully at this picture.
Notice anything funny?

This provided a great deal of entertainment at schola rehearsal today. We'll see if we can keep from giggling during the Alleluia tomorrow at Mass...

Good Friday.

2007-10-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

If I must pass through an abyss, the Bitter Valley, the desert, I know that He has already been there. Deeply I yearn for Him, and as I deal with misunderstandings and persecutions in my pursuit of the fullness of Truth, His loving gaze is always before me. I live for Him alone. Without Him, is there any purpose in living? In the absence of God, sufferings are meaningless. For it is through suffering that He so desires to shower his blessings, it is through dying to self that He gives life. Those who sow in tears will reap in joy. I love the Lord! I suffer for love. I give my life for love. I will never leave His side, because He is Love in its truest, most complete, and most beautiful form.

There is a certain peace in suffering persecution and misunderstanding, because this is precisely the suffering that surrounded the birth, ensuing ministry, crucifixion, death, and resurrection of our Lord. And does it not continue today with the Church? The search for Truth is absolutely necessary, in order to make sense out of human existence. The thing that most plagues society today is apathy. Where there is apathy, there is no Love, and without Love, there is no purpose for living. Apathy asks no questions. Apathy searches for nothing. Love seeks, and finds! Love reaches into the farthest corners of history and finds the greatest treasures! Right now I have a little student who is three years old. He is the most inquisitive little boy I have ever met. After nearly every point that I make, he asks "why?" Where has this inquisitive spirit gone among adults? The Truth is not afraid of questions- in fact, the Truth begs for questions, longs for questions.

Below is the prayer from today's midday Liturgy of the Hours. Friday's prayers are a little more intense since Friday is the day of the death of our Lord. Today I went through a bit of darkness. So this afternoon, I prayed this in my office, soaking in every word, clutching onto every ounce of consolation, knowing that He has been where I am. And where He is, there is Love!

Lightly I run in the way you have shown,
for you have opened my heart to receive your law.

My soul lies in the dust;
by your word revive me.
I declared my ways and you answered:
teach me your statutes.

Make me grasp the way of your precepts
and I will muse on your wonders.
My soul pines away with grief;
by your word raise me up.

Keep me from the way of error
and teach me your law.
I have chosen the way of truth
with decrees before me.

I bind myself to do your will;
Lord, do not disappoint me.
I will run the way of your commands;
you give freedom to my heart.
(Psalm 119:25-32)

I trust in the Lord and will not be shaken.
Give judgment for me, O Lord:
for I walk the path of perfection.
I trust in the Lord; I have not wavered.

Examine me, Lord, and try me.
O test my heart and my mind,
for your love is before my eyes
and I walk according to your truth.

I never take my place with liars
and with hypocrites I shall not go.
I hate the evil-doer's company:
I will not take my place with the wicked.

To prove my innocence I wash my hands
and take my place around your altar,
singing a song of thanksgiving,
proclaiming all your wonders.

O Lord, I love the house where you dwell,
the place where your glory abides.

Do not sweep me away from sinners,
nor my life with bloodthirsty men
in whose hands are evil plots,
whose right hands are filled with gold.

As for me, I walk the path of perfection.
Redeem me and show me your mercy.
My foot stands on level ground:
I will blessed the Lord in the assembly.
(Psalm 26)

I put all my trust in the Lord,
and he has not failed me.
To you, O Lord, I call,
my rock, hear me.
If you do not heed I shall become like those in the grave.

Hear the voice of my pleading
as I call for help,
as I lift up my hands in prayer
to your holy place.

Do not drag me away with the wicked,
with the evil-doers,
who speak words of peace to their neighbors
but with evil in their hearts.

Blessed be the Lord for her has heard
my cry, my appeal.
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
in him my heart trusts.
I was helped, my heart rejoices
and I praise him with my song.

The Lord is the strength of his people,
a fortress where his anointed find salvation.
Save your people; bless Israel your heritage.
Be their shepherd and carry them forever.
(Psalm 28: 1-3; 6-9)

Reading: II Corinthians 13:4
It is true he was crucified out of weakness, but he lives by the power of God. We too are weak in him, but we live with him by God's power in us.

I am broken, crushed to the earth.
Speak, Lord, your word of life.

Closing Prayer:
Lord Jesus Christ,
at noon, when darkness covered all the earth,
you mounted the wood of the cross
as the innocent victim for our redemption.
May your light be always with us
to guide us to eternal life in that kingdom
where you live and reign for ever and ever.
Amen.

poem by a carmelite

2007-10-17T20:44:00.000-07:00

A shepherd boy his grief is brooding o'er,
Alone, uncomforted, disconsolate.
His thought is fix'd upon his hearts true mate;
His breast with love is stricken very sore.

He weeps not for some love-wound giv'n of yore,
For no such thing could pain and grieve him so,
E'en though it overcharg'd his heart with woe:
He weeps because she thinks of him no more.

And so, because she thinks of him no more
That shepherd-maid of his, so fair to see-
He lets his alien foes treat so cruelly
The breast that love has stricken very sore.

'Woe,' cries the shepherd boy, 'Woe be in store
For him that's come betwixt my love and me,
So that she wishes not to know or see
This breast that love has stricken very sore.'

Then climbs he slowly, when much time is o'er,
Into a tree, with fair arms wide outspread.
And, clinging to that tree, forthwith is dead.
For lo! his breast was stricken very sore.

~St. John of the Cross; The Shepherd Boy

a prayer

2007-10-17T18:08:00.001-07:00

O my God, Trinity, whom I adore; help me to forget myself entirely that I may be established in You as still and as peaceful as if my soul were already in eternity. May nothing trouble my peace or make me leave you, O my Unchanging One, but may each minute carry me further into the depths of Your mystery. Give peace to my soul; make it Your heaven, Your beloved dwelling and Your resting place. May I never leave You there alone, but be wholly present, my faith wholly vigilant, wholly adoring, and wholly surrendered to Your creative Action.

O my beloved Christ, crucified by love, I wish to be a bride for Your Heart; I wish to cover You with glory; I wish to love You... even unto death! But I feel my weakness, and I ask You to "clothe me with Yourself," to identify my soul with all the movements of Your Soul, to overwhelm me, to possess me, to substitute yourself for me that my life may be but a radiance of Your Life. Come into me as Adorer, as Restorer, as Savior.

O Eternal Word, Word of my God, I want to spend my life in listening to You, to become wholly teachable that I may learn all from You. Then, through all nights, all voids, all helplessness, I want to gaze on You always, and remain in Your great light. O my beloved Star, so fascinate me that I may not withdraw from Your radiance.

O consuming Fire, Spirit of Love, "come upon me," and create in my soul a kind of incarnation of the Word: that I may be another humanity for Him in which He can renew His whole Mystery. And You, O Father, bend lovingly over Your poor little creature; "cover her with Your shadow," seeing in her only the "Beloved in whom You are well pleased."

O my Three, my All, my Beatitude, infinite Solitude, Immensity in which I lose myself, I surrender myself to You as Your prey. Bury Yourself in me that I may bury myself in You until I depart to contemplate in Your light the abyss of Your greatness.

~Blessed Elizabeth of the Trinity

Feast of St. Francis of Assisi

2007-10-04T11:13:00.001-07:00

For those of us who are stressed about the future (that would be me) we have a vibrant body of believers who have already "been there and done that." Let it be known that the Catholic teaching on the Communion of Saints does not say that we pray TO the saints. Rather, we pray for their intercession (like when I ask you to intercede for me to God), and look to them for an example of holiness. To worship a saint would indeed be idolatrous, but to admire that saint "in order to praise God, who is wonderful in His saints" will help guide us along the road of sanctification.

The prayers of St. Francis for us on earth, who are burdened with stress, are powerful. His complete abandonment to the Lord's will was so extreme, the world thought him insane. Here, again, is the foolishness of the cross. For a beautiful prayer written by St. Francis himself, to which you may add "St. Francis, pray for us," read today's entry on the Canticle of Chiara.

Poland

2007-09-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

Since my trip to Europe, there have been many days where I simply cannot communicate in words the many thoughts and movements in my heart. The beauty in Prague is so visible and vibrant. It is immediately apparent. But in Poland, I had to search to find beauty. Riding on the train into Poland, I realized that millions of people before me rode on those same train tracks, only they were heading for the death camps. Graffiti covered the other trains passing us by, many of the cars still littered with crudely painted swastikas. Since Poland is flat, and situated between Germany and Russia, it has been called "God's playground." And the Poles have suffered greatly.

I don't know how to describe the beauty in Poland, but it was very rich, and very deep. Writing about it causes me the anxiety of sounding sentimental or idealistic, which is the very last thing I want for you to hear. How do I put it into words... for now I cannot communicate but through images.

auschwitz and birkenau

2007-09-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

a stroll through Prague...

2007-09-24T16:08:00.000-07:00

A Shower of Roses

2007-09-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

Every Sunday of the Feast of Pentecost, teams of Roman fireman climb to the top of the Pantheon in Rome, letting down buckets upon buckets of rose petals through the circular opening of the roof. I was privileged to stand in the middle of the Pantheon this last Pentecost- my first Pentecost as a Catholic- staring up at the cascading rose petals. I became a little child, feeling enamored with the sight of red descending all around me, and breathing deeply the sweet fragrance of roses. The majesty of Pentecost struck me deeply- the mystery of the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles came alive for me as I stood within that large structure, staring up at this beauty and feeling surrounded with something much Larger than myself, something that has stood the trial of time. Something essentially timeless. The shower of petals was for me as little tongues of fire come down from heaven...

Father Hans Urs von Balthasar, a Catholic theologian who writes dynamically about the aesthetic of beauty and its role in the Liturgy, wrote a beautiful meditation about the Holy Spirit. In his writing is the appeal to all the senses, in addition to our intellect, will, and heart. It is a human appeal, striking the parts of us mirrored after the image of our Lord. Along the road to the Catholic faith, I was continually confronted with this human-yet-divine embrace of the Sacraments. No part of me was left untouched. This particular passage of Father von Balthasar I read on Pentecost Sunday, as I waited in the Pantheon for the shower of roses:

Who can describe what it means to say: "The Lord is Spirit?" Spirit is the invisible reality that asserts itself more manifestly than all that is sensible. Spirit is the invisible fragrance of the Paradise that has arisen in our very midst. Spirit is the great invisible wing which we recognize by the blowing of the wind and by the keen desire that overflows us when we are but grazed by its down. Spirit is the Paraclete, the Consoler, whose tenderness makes the word of remorse be muted unsaid, absorbed like a drop of dew in the sunlight. A great white mantle, light as silk, is laid about your body, and under it the clinging garments of despair fall to tatters of themselves. Spirit is a sorcerer: it can create in you what does not exist; it can make disappear what appeared to be irremovable; in the midst of a wilderness it creates gardens, fountains, birds; and what it conjures is no spector: it is sheer truth. And along with the truth it creates faith for you. You believe the Word: you see it, perceive it, touch it. You feel the new faculty that has sprung up in you. You run your hand over the smooth skin from which the wound has vanished by a miracle. You live in the realm of miracles, you go about as children do in a fairytale- in bliss and as a matter of course. All your past is like a dream which one can no longer recall precisely, and the entire old world hangs within the new space like a picture in its frame.

I love this portrayal of the Holy Spirit as fragrance, something that we can breathe in like the fragrance of roses. Or as a wind against your face, something that we can feel. As Someone, a consoler, protector, magician. Someone whose effects can be felt, like a wound healed. Something so wonderful it leaves the aftertaste as fairy tales do; the delightful, refreshing aftertaste of bliss, leaving us in the Newness of forgiveness.

a piece of my journey...

2007-09-23T13:56:00.000-07:00

There are not over a hundred people in the United States who hate the Roman Catholic Church; there are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church.
~Archbishop Fulton Sheen

on listening

2007-09-20T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today I stopped by a professor's office for a signature. I was in Running Mode in an attempt to meet deadlines for graduate recital committee forms. But this particular professor invited me into his office. "Please, come have a seat, elizabeth." Sitting across from me, he began asking how things were going- classes, practicing, teaching, etc. "Fine, fine, fine" I responded, still holding the papers in my hands- the papers still without his signature.

And out of sheer interest, he asked what pieces I was playing on my recital. Chopin, Bartok, Scarlatti, and Beethoven, I replied. He couldn't remember how the Beethoven Op. 90 went, so I sang the first few measures for him. "Ah, don't remember. Play it for me on the piano, please." Taking a seat on the piano bench, I'd nearly forgotten the reason I came into his office, and proceeded to perform the first couple lines of the music. "...sounds familiar," he said, "but I don't know it well. I will look forward to hearing you play it. And I won't listen to a recording of the sonata until I hear it from you."

He then pulled out a recording of the Beethoven sonatas performed by Schnabel- a fine interpreter of Beethoven's piano works. We began listening to a slow movement from one of the sonatas. He explained how he heard this movement by accident: "one evening I was preparing a lecture on one of the sonatas. But then I ran across this movement. It was late at night, and this melody... it was so simple..."

He and I sat there together his office, just listening. The melody was simple indeed. Delicate, slow, and sweet. Thin texture. Soft dynamics. Like a very early morning in autumn, as the sun hits the earth at an angle and soaks everything in golden light. A little cold. Quiet.

"You know, elizabeth, I'm always running. But when I heard this movement, with its simple beauty, I had to stop. I put my pen down, leaned back, and listened. And it transformed me." Another pause, listening, then, "you know, Beethoven was a real manic." I thought of some of his bombastic symphonic openings, the thundering left hand accompaniments in his later sonatas, and agreed. "But," he said, "I think Beethoven left his heart here, in slow movements like these."

"Ah, but you're here for my signature! Forgive me..." He signed the papers, I thanked him, and left. But then again, I didn't really leave. As I walked down the stairs and out into the noisy streets, I carried with me the opening melody of that slow movement. And I was so touched. Like him, I was transformed. I felt as though I'd just emerged from a long period of prayer. There was something sacred about that meeting. All I came for was his signature, but I left with a pearl.

It is so easy to overlook such moments... when the tempo slows, and nothing jumps out to grab our attention, we take our leave, looking for something more engaging. But it is precisely these quieter moments that are begging for our engagement, for the undivided attention of our souls. When someone whispers, we lean close in order to hear better. Softer, slower moments ask for intimacy. And perhaps that is why such moments are the ones from which we run away.

The sonata is Beethoven's first, op. 2, in f minor. Listen to the second movement, performed by Schnabel.

More feasting...

2007-09-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

Light in St. John Lateran's of Roma

Strangers of the Spanish Steps in Roma

Along the Appian Way

Orchard in Assisi

Europe pictures for Leah Fox

2007-09-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

It's a feast for the eyes!!

Sidewalk cafe in Warsaw

Masks for sale in Orvieto, Italy

Hot street musician in Krakow, Poland

Flowers for you from Roman neighborhood

Poppies along the Appian Way

Kunsthaus in Vienna

in an autumnal sort of mood...

2007-09-16T17:59:00.000-07:00

The scent of a September's end fills each morning with its autumnal fragrance. At 7:00am I walk out to my car just as dawn is giving way to morning, and I indulge myself in a nice long gaze at the morning star and the purple haze off to the East before driving to school. The other day I went for my daily walk in the park, and reaching up to touch a leaf, I discovered it was very dry. Still green, but dry and curling around the edges. Now, when the wind blows through the trees, I hear a rattling instead of a swishing.

Autumn is beautiful, but it is also sad. Part of me dries up a little along with nature this time of year. This change of season ushers in a New Unknown. All the people with whom I will cross paths, all the places I will travel, all the changes yet to furnish my being have been fore-written (is that a word? well it is now) by a Divine Hand. Lovingly, prudently, mercifully, and wisely written. This knowledge gives me hope in spite of the dryness. You and I are so closely Watched, Held, and Examined by Him.

A year ago at this time, I was feeling deeply discouraged by some things... and I will never forget what my dear friend said to me: "you feel like He has abandoned you, but He is closer to you now than He ever was before. Elizabeth, He is with you."

A very simple thing to say. Yet it spoke to my heart in one of darkest moments of my life. Sometimes pain causes us to ask completely blunt and honest questions of heaven: "God, do you even exist?" And this is what I was asking a year ago. The words of my friend consoled my heart to its deepest, most inward parts. I hung onto that small thread of encouragement desperately. And through a bitter autumn, the Lord carried me one day at a time, until I met Him more intimately than I'd ever known Him. The coming of a new season is a significant thing.

Feast of the Triumph of the Holy Cross

2007-09-13T13:22:00.001-07:00

As a "neophyte" Catholic I am continually fascinated by the myriad feasts of the Liturgical Calendar. Each day is different than the next, carrying with it either a lightness or a heaviness, depending on the weight of the issue. St. Clare's feast day, like I mentioned before, was a delight. The prayers arranged for this day in the Liturgy of the Hours were full of brightness, refreshment, and quiet peace. And then there are heavier days like today- the Feast of the Triumph of the Holy Cross (dun dun dun!!).

"Why celebrate a feast for the Cross-- an object?" I asked myself this morning while getting ready for school. "Shouldn't we be focusing on the Resurrection of Christ, instead of a thing-- a wooden cross?" My question was answered very simply and succinctly today after Mass. I was sitting in the 'afterglow' (I love it right after Mass- so many graces from receiving Him in the Eucharist!!) and began reading a meditation on today's feast. And the author (Father Richard Veras) said this-- Jesus' victory "was revealed not despite the way he suffered but rather because of it."

I chewed on those words for a while. Jesus' victory was revealed BECAUSE OF the way he suffered. Not despite the way he suffered. The words because of in opposition to despite struck me deeply. Jesus' victory for you and me, for our souls, was directly and completely a result of His suffering. It was planned. Pre-ordained. St. John stayed beside Jesus to the very end of His death on the Cross, and in his gospel, he writes not that Jesus died, but that "he handed over his spirit" He handed over His spirit. Jesus didn't just "expire" there on the cross. He willingly gave Himself up. Everything about His Passion is built around that important idea of PURPOSE.

Because of. The implications for you and me are tremendous. If we bear the cross in union with Christ, we grow in faith not despite our suffering (lest we complain- ah, I am the culprit!), but because of it. The Lord wastes nothing. Every little ailment He uses to strengthen and expand our faith in Him. Mother Teresa calls sufferings the "kisses" of Christ- "Suffering, pain, sorrow, humiliation, feelings of loneliness, are nothing but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close that He can kiss you."

So the cross is no longer "just an object," as I presumed this morning while getting ready for school. It is a calling. Jesus embraced His cross. And now, "death is swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" There is no reason to lose hope, or to think that our daily sufferings are meaningless. Everything matters. Every little thing matters, and the Lord wants to use every little thing in the most positive and active sense, for us to celebrate victory together with Christ.

Ah, the 21st Century

2007-09-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

So I'm really interested to hear what you think about this music. If you have a block of say, 20 minutes or so, visit this site and click on the very last composition, by Friedman. Listen to the whole thing. Any images, memories, emotions, or even narratives that come to mind?

Feast of the Nativity of the Virgin Mary

2007-09-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

In the 4th Century, St. Ambrose, one of our fathers of the early Church wrote:

Keep before your eyes, painted as in a picture, the virginity and life of the Blessed Virgin Mary, who reflects as a mirror the radiance of purity and the very strength of virtue.

~De Virginibus, II, Ch. 2

A Word from Chesterton

2007-09-06T09:04:00.001-07:00

From Chesterton's book, St Francis of Assisi:

If ever that rarer sort of romantic love, which was the truth that sustained the Troubadours, falls out of fashion and is treated as fiction, we may see some such misunderstanding as that of the modern world about asceticism. For it seems conceivable that some barbarians might try to destroy chivalry in love, as the Barbarians ruling in Berlin destroyed chivalry in war. If that were ever so, we should have the same sort of unintelligent sneers and unimaginative questions. Men will ask what selfish sort of woman it must have been who ruthlessly extracted tribute in form of flowers, or what an avaricious creature she can have been to demand solid gold in the form of a ring; just as they ask what cruel kind of God can have demanded sacrifice and self-denial. They will have lost the clue to all that lovers have meant by love; and will not understand that it was because the thing was not demanded that it was done. But whether or no any such lesser things will throw a light on the greater, it is utterly useless to study a great thing like the Franciscan movement while remaining in the modern mood that murmurs against gloomy asceticism.

The whole point about St. Francis of Assisi is that he certainly was ascetical and he certainly was not gloomy. As soon as ever he had been unhorsed by the glorious humiliation of his vision of dependence on the divine love, he flung himself into fasting and vigil exactly as he had flung himself furiously into battle. He had wheeled his charger clean round, but there was no halt or check in the thundering impetuosity of his charge. There was nothing negative about it; it was not a regimen or a stoical simplicity of life. It was not self-denial merely in the sense of self-control. It was as positive as passion; it had all the air of being as positive as a pleasure. He devoured fasting as a man devours food. He plunged after poverty as men have dug madly for gold. And it is precisely the positive and passionate quality of this part of his personality that is a challenge to the modern mind in the whole problem of the pursuit of pleasure. There undeniably is the historical fact; and there attached to it is another moral fact almost as undeniable. It is certain that he held on this heroic or unnatural course from the moment when he went forth in his hair-shirt into the winter woods to the moment when he desired even in his death agony to lie bare upon the bare ground, to prove that he had and that he was nothing. And we can say, with almost as deep a certainty, that the stars which passed over that gaunt and wasted corpse stark upon the rocky floor had for once, in all their shining cycles round the world of laboring humanity, looked down upon a happy man.

a mind unwinding in the aftermath of goodbyes

2007-09-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

The other day I was sitting in a chapel thinking about some things. Hummmm. Yesterday was a day of two more difficult goodbyes, which somehow are connected to all the other goodbyes I've said over the course of six years, all interwoven into one, long, taut thread. They are never easy. And neither are those transitions, when you are suspended, waiting for the new embrace of slightly unfamiliar and extraordinarily fragile relationships. Only God knows the complexity of this network now built into our very being, of those persons newly departed and others newly entering.

In a Music Appreciation class I am teaching, we are relating the elements of music (melody, rhythm, harmony, form, texture, and expression :)) to aspects of real life. One of my students observed that there are many "rhythmic" aspects in life that are silent and wordless. Such as the sun rising and setting each day. Another observed the motion of the planets, the seasons, the ebb and flow of the tide as rhythmic. Is there not a certain rhythm to the coming and going of persons-- a continuous pattern of relationships, including the underlying presence of faithful ones? A constant pattern of holding on, and letting go?

All this is to say, that if I were the Conductor of the universe, it would be one rotten, flimsy, meaningless, asymmetrical, arhythmic, short-sighted, and chaotic performance. Which is why we are happy that there is Someone Else in charge. Since there is this Someone Else overseeing the patterns of the universe, then I have to trust when He is asking me to let go, knowing that as His will directs, those relationships may actually grow deeper through prayerful communication with Him, than it ever was sitting directly across the table in eye-to-eye conversation. Is is not spiritual nearness in relationships that is more REAL than physical? hmmm...

For Ellyn

2007-09-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

And the other Blue Holland Girl is LN (Ellyn) who, in this video,
demonstrates remarkable skills in interpretive dancing. Or something? Anyways, don't ask questions. We're just pretending to ride a bus, that's all. No stranger than smelling trees ok.

Study Hour

2007-09-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

Allow me to introduce you to my beloved roommates from the little blue house on Holland street: Christina, Eileen, and Mary Bear. Oh, and don't forget Kim! She's probably my favorite, as I do believe she is singing along WHILE studying for a Jim Edwards exam!! Ah, the memories.

Behold, this is the Lamb of God...

2007-08-31T19:07:00.001-07:00

Lucy ran out of the empty room into the passage and found the other three.
"It's all right," she repeated, "I've come back."
"What on earth are you talking about, Lucy?" asked Susan.
"Why," said Lucy in amazement, "haven't you all been wondering where I was?"
"So you've been hiding, have you?" said Peter. "Poor old Lu, hiding and nobody noticed! You'll have to hide longer than that if you want people to start looking for you."
"But I've been away for hours and hours," said Lucy.
The others all stared at one another.
"Batty!" said Edmund, tapping his head. "Quite batty."
"What do you mean, Lu?" asked Peter.
"What I said," answered Lucy. "It was just after breakfast when I went into the wardrobe, and I've been away for hours and hours, and had tea, and all sorts of things have happened."
"Don't be silly, Lucy," said Susan. "We've only just come out of that room a moment ago, and you were there then."
"She's not being silly at all," said Peter, "she's just making up a story for fun, aren't you, Lu? And why shouldn't she?"
"No, Peter, I'm not," she said. "It's- it's a magic wardrobe. There's a wood inside it, and it's snowing, and there's a Faun and a Witch and it's called Narnia; come and see."

This little excerpt is from one of my favorite books. As a child I was always fascinated by this transcendent concept of time in Narnia. A moment on earth was like days in Narnia. But of course, this created confusion and misunderstanding amongst Lucy's siblings. If you remember, her siblings grew very concerned, because Lucy didn't normally persuade them into believing tall tales. When the two elder siblings brought their concerns to the Professor, he gave them three different options. Either Lucy was mad, or telling a lie, or, she was indeed telling the truth.

In Mere Christianity, CS Lewis proposes these same three options regarding the ministry of Christ- is He a liar, lunatic, or Lord? Many components of the Christian faith carry a slightly nutty characteristic. St. Paul calls it the foolishness of the cross. St. Francis calls it Perfect Joy (can you tell I love this idea of Perfect Joy?? :)). In recent months, I have encountered this nuttiness around nearly every corner. Indeed, the most severe forms of Christian "insanity and foolishness" are hidden from the eyes of the world, tucked away in corners I never dreamed of discovering. Intertwined with the "foolishness," I found, was deep peace. Deep, deep peace, inexplicable joy, refreshing simplicity and purity, a loving silence, and the unshakeable conviction of Truth.

There is one "corner" of the world that I am thinking of in particular, though there are many. But the one that truly brought me to my knees before our Lord was my first visit to a monastery. I visited the Community of St. John last December, during the beautiful season of Advent. Though I only spent 4 days at the monastery, all time seemed to expand as a result of being hidden from the world, and enveloped in the prayerful and loving silence of the Brothers and Sisters. At the time, I was inwardly divided, stressed, and fighting an inner darkness. This inner darkness and confusion sat in extreme juxtaposition against the light, clarity, purity, and peace that I encountered there. This juxtaposition was not easy to handle, however, and I spent much of my time there fighting.

In my journal, I described my first impressions (and this is from the Pre-Catholic era of Elizabeth's life; hence the tone of discomfort and awkwardness :))--

Brother Nathan gave Jenny and I a tour of the grounds, and now I am paranoid that I will accidently walk into a cloistered area. Along the way, we stopped in the chapel, which was silent, completely still, all cast in shadows and smelling of wood, varnish, and incense. Some soft lights glowed on the alter, but the red candle shone brilliantly in the darkness. The others knelt. I didn't know what to do- my first inclination was to kneel, but I just sat.

We then had a lectio divina study of John 1:35-40. During this time, I realized how much of the world I am carrying with me. The spiritual attack was intense. I was jittery, I wanted to get up and leave, I was frustrated, and I couldn't believe Brother stopped reading after verse 40 and kept asking questions and more questions. Why so many questions! But all this time, during the study, Brother turned over and over in his hands the question of "WHAT ARE YOU SEEKING" that Jesus asked his disciples. His disciples asked "where are you staying?" [or, where do you abide] and Jesus responded with "COME AND SEE."

In spite of my aggravated and restless state of mind (thank you, enemy!), these phrases illuminated by Brother returned to my heart again and again throughout my stay at the community. What are you seeking? Where does Jesus abide? Come and see... What WAS I looking for? Well, I sought the Truth. I wanted to know how in the world the Sisters lived the contemplative life, praying for souls who haven't a clue they are being prayed for. I wanted to know where their joy came from, since they've given up everything else. And where does this loving silence come from?

During each Mass at the community, I ached so deeply during the blessing over the Eucharist I could hardly see straight. My throat singed and my jaw ached, and my face grew hot... I ached because I longed for Him. I did not long to be like everyone around me, receiving the Eucharist, I longed for Him. In the aforementioned passage, John the Baptist proclaims the presence of our Lord: "Behold, this is the lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world." During the Mass, the priest always holds the Sacred Host in his hands, and says those words. At the community, I heard those words in a different way- something reverberated deep within. I heard, I saw, and I knew. And I ached with longing.

The founder of the Community, Father Marie Dominique Philippe, said of the Eucharist that "it is the silence of God, the loving silence of God given to us." It is so difficult to put into words my experience at the community. But Father Philippe's description of this loving silence in the Eucharist suffices. In that time of darkness and confusion, the Lord knew that I simply needed to know He was there. The Presence of Christ always transforms, always brings joy, always instills peace. And though I already knew this Presence from my Christian upbringing, I was given this discovery in a new, profound, and concrete way.

Many seeds were planted in my heart that week. Each time I return to the community, more are planted while the others grow. And coming home, I often feel like Lucy in Narnia, running home to her siblings through the "wardrobe" all out of breath-- "it's alright! I've come back! And I've seen the most wonderful things!!" Unfortunately, most of it is tangled up inside in a beautiful MESS. So I will try to untangle, as it is helpful for me to reflect, and hopefully interesting for you to read.

Hanging out with Monks

2007-08-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

These photos are from a trip to the Community of St. John in March with my friend Cecilia (who took the photos). I just returned from another visit to the Community and am walking on a cloud. Each time I go there, my soul unfolds like a flower opening her petals under the sun. More later...

New Cranium Question

2007-08-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

To win this Factoid, your team must correctly answer the question below. I'll read the question aloud, pass the card to you, and then start the timer.

QUESTION

What is going on in this picture??

Your Right to be Merry

2007-08-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I said goodbye to two very dear friends who are going off to seminary on the East coast. And soon, I will say goodbye to another pair of close friends who are following the Lord's call to monastic life. I hold all four of them close to my heart in prayer. Their obedience to His call has involved the total surrender or sacrifice of their entire self to His loving will. Not an easy thing to do.

I used to think that the giving away of one's material possessions for the sake of following Christ was just figurative speech, or that the only time it ever happened was in the Middle Ages when that crazy St. Francis took the Bible literally. But in the past year I have come across many St. Francis-es and St. Clares who are really living the literal and radical call to deny themselves, take up the cross, and follow Christ.

Sacrifice, in its truest sense, is a great mystery to me. It demands of you and I the very things we love the most. When the Lord asks for such a sacrifice, like He did for Abraham, it will probably not make any earthly sense, and it will probably cause persecution and great misunderstanding. I know that His ways are higher than our humanly ways (Isaiah 55) but why is it that His path is so often the way of suffering?

Mother Mary Francis writes eloquently of this mystery of sacrifice (or vocation-- these two words I believe to be beautifully synonymous- and I might add "perfect joy" in there as well) in her book (which I mentioned in the post about St. Clare) A Right to be Merry:

A vocation is so mysterious a gift, a thing so locked in the inner court of the soul where alone God speaks His wishes, that no one can properly describe or explain it. What can be said is that a true vocation is a call so compelling that a soul must loosen its hold on the dearest and even the holiest of its loves to rise up and follow the summons.

Her wording reminds me very much of the intimate language of the Psalms. Psalm 51, one of my favorite prayers for purity, speaks of the Lord's desire for truth in the "secret heart" or "in the inward parts." This truth He desires is for authenticity to reign, interiorly and exteriorly. Made in His image, you and I also desire for this authenticity. Everyone wants to be authentic. Everyone wants to be original. CS Lewis describes heaven as the place where we will most authentically be ourselves, and in being authentic, we become the most distinct and vibrant version of ourselves. And this "version" will be entirely distinct and unique from one another. (If anyone remembers the real quote, let me know)

Obviously, you and I aren't supposed to wait for heaven for this personal vibrancy and originality. It comes now, in union with Christ and His suffering, in the specific and intimate and personal calling He has for us to be authentic bearers of His cross and subsequently sharers in His perfect joy. And so all of these musings are said with the request that prayer be offered for those friends of mine who are living out their authenticity, pursuing their vocations despite the sacrifice involved. Dan, Craig, Brandy, and Scott, may you encounter perfect joy!! :)

Color Synaesthesia

2007-08-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

So. I apologize for those of you who already know about my "neurological condition" and have heard the story more than twice... but I'd like to share this with my Northwestern friends, for whom this is a little-known fact.

I am what they call a "synesthete."
And what, you ask, is a synesthete?

Allow me to share an anecdote. One afternoon I was giving a presentation for a piano pedagogy class on how to keep piano students engaged with the musical repertoire they are practicing. I explained that for modern pieces that are more difficult for young students to grasp, you could help the student relate to the piece in nonmusical ways, such as through art and color. "You could, for example, ask the student what colors they see when they hear the first phrase on the piano."

At this comment, my professor looked at me with wide eyes and, interupting my presentation, asked "Elizabeth? Do you see colors when you hear music?" After an awkward pause, I turned to look at my classmate, who gave me That Look (which is especially reserved for moments such as these with our professor). I then said "yes. ...is that weird?" Before this moment, I had never really thought twice about such a thing.

The said professor then turned around to her computer and proceeded to google what she called "color synaesthesia. A rare condition indeed. You are the first person I've met who has this. How interesting..."

Now I imagine those of you who in the dark about this Most Rare and Interesting Neurological Condition are dying to know what it is. Well. It is simply that I involuntarily, but consistently, associate colors with letters and numbers, in addition to key signatures and musical works as a whole. For example, the letter A is very strongly red, whereas the letter C is very strongly yellow. N is black, R is purple, the number 6 is red, the number 22 is yellow, and the key of C major is white. But the key signature A flat is a pinkish red.

Those of you who are skeptical and are rolling around the floor in peals of laughter, go look here and here. And here. You will discover not only pages dedicated to the subject on Wikipedia (be sure to click on Grapheme-color synaesthesia) but also the American Synesthesia Association. On Wikipedia, you can read about other individuals who have synaesthesia, including John Mayor, Pharrell Williams (no I am not joking), Duke Ellington, Wassily Kandinsky (who painted the above piece), and composers Rimsky-Korsakov, Franz Liszt, and Olivier Messiaen.

I included also a website devoted to a fellow synesthete who has diligently written out the alphabet and numbers in the colors he associates. Keep in mind, however, that this is subjective, and mine are quite unsimilar to his.

Now, to wrap up today's entry, here is a formal definition. As you know, syn is Greek for "with" or "together" and aisthesis is Greek for "perception" or "sensation." Put these together, and you get what the Webster's dictionary defines as "a sensation produced in one modality when a stimulus is applied to another modality, as when the hearing of a certain sound induces the visualization of a certain color." Wikipedia describes it as "a neurological condition in which stimulation in one sensory modality leads to experiences in a second, unstimulated modality."

Does anyone have a similar Rare and Interesting Condition they'd like to share about?

Sodalitium Christianae Vitae

2007-08-15T20:36:00.000-07:00

Pictured above are the brothers from the Sodalitium Christianae Vitae, which is an amazing Catholic Community that originated in South America (Peru) and spread to many places in the world, including the St. Malo retreat center just outside of Estes Park, Colorado. Since our campground was a mere 25 minutes away, we... well... you know... they invited us to make ourselves comfortable at the retreat center... for morning prayer, Mass, breakfast, dinner, dessert, worship, and they even let us kidnap their community dog, Petrus. In short, we were spoiled.

But very blessed! In the picture above, Father Daniel is leading us in songs from his native land, Peru, where many of the brothers are from. And not only are there brothers, but also nuns, consecrated lay women and men (who live in community but work "normal" jobs), and even families. It is a community of many dimensions, allowing for each individual to serve the Lord in whatever vocation He has for them. I met someone who is going to be an architect, and in the middle of her 9 exams for architecture school, she is going to England for Sodalitium formation. There she will prepare for her apostolate, or the evangelization of culture.

Very cool, very John Paul II.

more colorado photos:

2007-08-13T11:37:00.001-07:00

I would like to say a word about my beloved camping companions. Well, first of all, I should probably tell you their names. But not their day-to-day names. No. Because throughout the trip, we uncovered the great mystery of their real names. Mine being ElizaBethanphetomine. Also, Rage Against the Ma-Jean, Green Eggs and Sam, Chewbecca (or Beccaroni and Cheese, depending on her mood), Cotton Brandy (or Raggedy Brandy if she's around her sidekick, Raggedy Dan), and last but of course not least, our very own Dandid Camera (or, as I mentioned before, Raggedy Dan).

Rocky Mountain Hiiigh...

2007-08-12T12:03:00.000-07:00

So over the next couple days, I'll be posting some photos from the marvelous camping trip to Estes Park in Colorado. It was a beautiful, beautiful, lovely, amazing, can't-quite-find-an-adequate-adjective trip. There were six of us twenty-somethings in all. And folks, we really roughed it. Jean and I narrowly escaped martyrdom by a bear, we didn't shower for four days, we all nearly suffered hypothermia from a 6 hour hike in a thunderstorm after having gotten lost until our mountain "companion" (proper term for dog in Colorado) guided us back to the right path, and we lived on trail mix. And tuna. I promise I didn't exaggerate anything. Enjoy the pics! More to come...

My sister from Assisi

2007-08-11T08:47:00.000-07:00

Two things I really like about Catholicism: the Sacramental concept of time, and the Communion of Saints. Someday I will explain my reconciliation with the Catholic Church in full (I used to be Presbyterian, for those of you bloggians who do not know me) but for now I will be sharing tidbits here and there of all the little things I so love about Catholicism, keeping in mind that the Reason I joined the Church is not a long list of whats, but is really one One Reason, which is a WHO. The big J.

The reason I am glowing today over the Sacramental concept of time and of the Communion of Saints is because today is the feast day of St. Clare of Assisi! If you would like a glimpse of this remarkable woman, this poetic, joyful, chivalrously-driven, daring, courageous, and beautiful bride of Christ, our dear Chiara Lorenzini, then check out this blog. It is beautiful to be enwrapped in the life and influence of this saint, and to sense the same deeply-felt peace I encountered while kneeling in solitude at her tomb in Assisi.

When I first overheard my Catholic roommates talking about feast days, I, the Bible-believing Presbyterian from Washington (and I mean that sincerely, not in a sarcastic way) asked them "what do you mean by feast day? (awkward pause) Do you actually have a feast? Like, a big dinner? In honor of an old saint??" While graciously hiding a smile, my roommate explained to me that no, there is no feast, but the saint is honored through the liturgy of the Church. And I later came to understand the relevance of the lives of the saints, these incredible examples of fidelity to Christ, throughout my years of exploring the Catholic faith...

Today, then, the life of Saint Clare is honored by the Church at Mass, in the prayers, Scriptures, and hymns, and also is honored by the Church through the praying of the Liturgy of the Hours. Ephesians 1:3-10, for example, is prayed with the desire for holiness, as "God chose us in him before the world began, to be holy and blameless in his sight" just as St. Clare was set apart by the Lord as His spotless bride.

St. Clare's influence is seen not only through the Liturgy of the Church, but is also hidden within the enclosures of monasteries. Her order, the Poor Clares, exist all over the world. That young women are giving up their material possesions, their dreams, and, in short, their whole lives for the sake of Christ their bridegroom, is a reality. Just check out what time these women wake up to pray!

Here is what Mother Mary Francis of the Poor Clares writes about this vocation:

"A Poor Clare does not vow to live in poverty or to observe poverty or to practise poverty, but to live 'without property.' She is a happy pilgrim moving through the lanes of creation to the Shrine of the most Holy Trinity, and not wishing to slow down her trek with materialities or the still more burdensome luggage of the self-will and its accoutrements. She has not even a handbag for packing little attachments. She is simply 'without property' of any kind. And when she has lived out her pilgrimage and lies on her deathbed in the vestibule of the Sanctuary of the Triune God, she will want to repeat the words of her Mother St. Clare, who was courteous to her dying breath: "O my God, I thank you for having created me.' For life itself was an alms given by God to her poverty."

St. Clare of Assisi, pray for us!!

heading west...

2007-08-06T04:55:00.000-07:00

Is this not the quintessential portrait of silence?

The open prairie is spectacular.

And now I'm headed to a totally different temperamental style of geography- the mountains!! When I'm back from Estes Park in Colorado I'll be sure to post some glorious pictures...

Tiramisu ecstasy

2007-08-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

One sunny afternoon in Italy's charming little town, Orvieto, Jacqueline and Holly and Roger and I were looking for a place to eat. Having never been to Orvieto before, we wandered and wandered some more past mediochre-looking restaurants until we came across The One.

Oooh the wine, tomato and mozzerella salad, bruschetta, and the best pasta dishes ever made in Italia... and... THE TIRAMISU.

Keep in mind that my college student stomach is more adjusted to meals consisting of, well, like, PB&J. Huh. Which I usually devour en route from the music building to the library. For my poor deprived taste buds to behold The Best Food in Italy was as deeply satisfying an aesthetic experience as gazing upon Giotto's frescoes.

SIGH.

To illustrate my point more effectively, I'd like to share some photos of my dear friends, Holly and Jacqueline, before The First Bite:

and after:

Oh how we miss Italia!

The Hound of Heaven

2007-08-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

Recently I read the wonderful autobiography of Mother Veronica Namoyo Le Goulard, P.C.C. (a Poor Clare nun in Algiers) called A Memory for Wonders. Hers is a remarkable story. She was raised in Africa by her communist parents, who vowed that "no one would speak to her of God and influence the development of her mind with oppressive superstition."

She was a rebellious, mischievious child... yet stamped upon her heart as with all humans is that innate yearning for the Lord. Like St. Augustine, her heart was restless until she found rest in the Lord. Her conversion story is a powerful testimony of Imago Dei, being made in the image and likeness of God, because even without a Christian formation, and having been raised by unbelieving parents, she knew Him interiorly. As a young girl, she experienced a revelation of His presence- an inexplicable, mystical sort of experience, that opened her eyes to His existence. She was only three, but distinctly remembers sitting outside at sunset after a sirroco sand storm:

"Suddenly the sky over me... was all afire. The glory of the sunset was perhaps reflected in the myriads of particles of powdery sand still floating in the air. It was like an immense, feathery flame all scarlet from one pole to the other, with touches of crimson and, on one side, of deep purple. I was caught in limitless beauty and radiant, singing splendor. And at the same time, with a cry of wonder in my heart, I knew that all this beauty was created, I knew GOD. This was the word that my parents had hidden from me. I had nothing to name him: God, Dieu, Allah or Yahweh, as he is named by human lips, but my heart knew that all was from him and him alone and that he was such that I could address him and enter into relationship with him through prayer. I made my first act of adoration."

When she was five, she was looking through her mother's magazines and came across a photograph of a crucifix, leading to a further knowledge of Him:

"And there, in the right-hand corner of one page, I saw three crosses of different designs, each one with a tiny man on it and some numbers underneath. I had never seen a crucifix, only sometimes a cross, which had no meaning for me, on top of a building called a "church" which was for 'the meetings of superstitious people.' But while I was silently looking at these strange pictures, I suddenly knew: this man on the cross had been killed, and it was for all men, women, and children. It was for me. He was a man, but he was also the Son of the God whom I was already adoring as Creator and loving, universal presence. He was God. I would not have formulated this in one sentence as I do now, but all this was gathered in one insight and clearly formed even with words in my mind, contrary to my first 'sunset' religious experiene, which had been purely intuitive. It is very difficult to explain, because this complex theology was taught to me in a moment and looked perfectly simple and as evident as a first principle, given as absolute truth. It also looked perfectly normal."

As a child, she did end up putting a name to the Little Man on the Cross. It wasn't quite right- she didn't know Him as Jesus Christ until years later. But the name she did come up with is very nearly charming. She called Him "Henri", French for Henry, because on the bottom of the crucifix are these initials: INRI, the initials of Jesus Nazarenus Rex Iudeorum. INRI... Inri... Henri

I love the child's heart...

I thirst...

2007-07-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

When I visited the Missionaries of Charity in Rome, I arrived just as they gathered in the chapel to sing this song:

Sweet Lord
Thy thirst for souls
I satiate with my burning love,
All for Thee.
My chalice will be filled with love,
Sacrifices made all for Thee.
Evermore I will quench Thy thirst, Lord.
Evermore I will quench Thy thirst, Lord of Souls,
In union with Mary, Our Queen,
I will quench Thy thirst.

In the chapel, there is a simple tabernacle situated below a crucifix. And beside the crucifix are these words: I THIRST.

When I visited the Sisters of Charity in Chicago, I realized that this set-up is the same for each church, all over the world, for all the Missionaries of Charity. The phrase "I THIRST" appears in hundreds of different languages beside each crucifix above the tabernacle. The Missionaries of Charity includes priests, brothers, and sisters, both active and contemplative. All of them live to satiate Christ's yearning- His thirst.

I am really struggling to put my experience in Chicago into words. I could tell you about all the work we did, in the women's shelter, the soup kitchen, and delivering food to the homeless in downtown Chicago. The sisters worked us hard. But it wasn't necessarily the work itself that was important. It was the prayer behind the work that made our every effort meaningful, and that made every sack of food delivered under the freeways truly relevant to the lives of the homeless.

He thirsts. How desperately He thirsts for us, for our devotion to Him, for us to bring our neighbors in need to Him. Mother Teresa expresses it best:

"In His agony, in His pain, in His loneliness He said very clearly, 'Why have You forsaken Me?' He was so terribly lonely and forsaken and suffering on the Cross... At this most difficult time He proclaimed: "I thirst.' ...And the people thought He was thirsty in an ordinary way and they gave Him vinegar straight-away; but it was not that He thirsted for-- it was for our love, our affection, that intimate attachment to Him, and that sharing of His passion. And it is strange that He used such a word. He used 'I thirst' instead of 'Give Me your love.' ...The thirst of Jesus on the Cross is not imagination. It was a word: 'I thirst.' Let us hear Him saying it to me and saying it to you... It is really a gift of God."

Mother T

2007-07-23T06:42:00.001-07:00

So I'm going to discover what Perfect Joy is this week...
I'll be chaperoning a group of high schoolers for a mission trip to Chicago, where we'll serve with Mother Teresa's order, the Missionaries of Charity.

My first encounter with the Missionaries of Charity was in Rome, just a couple months ago. Took a bus into the ghetto, where these sisters live and serve. The photograph above shows us enjoying a game of volleyball at twilight... and my gosh, they GLOW with joy. But why? They have denied everything. They have voluntarily accepted a life of poverty, and live by their vows to poverty, chastity, and obedience.

Really. It doesn't make sense. Why so joyful? I'm sure all of us could give the church reason easily enough, but do we really know, I mean from personal experience? hmm... I'm going to try and find out...

be back in a week.

"Pearls before Breakfast"

2007-07-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, authors from the Washington Post published this long but intriguing article based on a scintillating performance by Joshua Bell. His playing always emits sparks, doesn't it? But wait, if he's The Hot Stuff for the classical music world, why is it that at this particular debut, no one really noticed and subsequently did not listen to him?

Perhaps I should add that this performance took place in a busy metro plaza.

He performed one of my all-time favorites- Bach's Chaconne from the d minor solo Partita- which is a masterpiece often perused by musicologists for its theologically significant "architecture," intricate textures across all four strings, and the complexity of its emotional content.

Surely the Very Important and Busy People passing through the metro station would have recognized this prestigious violinist. But they didn't. Even more interesting is the fact that one of Bell's few listeners was... a child. If you watch the videos posted in the article, you can see a child craning her neck to watch Bell performing, while her parental figure pulls her through the door to exit. Which fascinates me. In that moment, the child noticed perhaps the most substantial, life-giving event of the entire day, while her practical and well-meaning parent did not.

We all have the capacity to recognize beauty- it is built into our human nature. But in keeping pace with society, how quickly we lose the simplicity of mind to really KNOW beauty when we perceive it, and to fix our attention on it! I think children have a lot to teach us in this original simplicity, because we. are. such. busy. people.

One of the first exercises I will do with my Arts Appreciation class this semester is just to sit and listen. So like right now, as I listen, I hear the computer whirring, the clickity-click of the keyboard, a Mozart opera wafting from the living room stereo (note: my roommate and I are music Nerds-- it's really kind of hopeless), the setting down of a glass, a muffled train whistle from outside, a hint of the night-time insects like cicadas and crickets...

So the longer I listen, the more I begin to hear. And this, potentially, is what I hope for my students to develop in regards to listening to classical music. I couldn't imagine listening to a Beethoven symphony for the first time, because there is so much packed into it! Appreciation of the arts will take time. Appreciation for every-day beauty will take time.

Appreciation in the spiritual realm of beauty will take a lifetime. So what of the spiritual dimension, as in today's Mass reading on Mary and Martha? Martha was well-meaning and practical, busy cooking and serving and things. Yet there was Mary, sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening to Him teach. She was entirely impractical, and seemingly unproductive. But Jesus honored her, because she was listening. He says, in regards to these two sides to work, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her" (Luke 10: 38-42).

So whether or not Joshua Bell is standing on a street corner in Seattle WA or Lincoln NE, there is at least something or Someone demanding our attention... our listening... if only we might stop for a moment, take out the I-pod plugs, or look up from the sidewalk... what is it? Who is it?

ps. The photograph is from my travels in Krakow, Poland... chasing pigeons with the kiddies in Market Square.

I heart Clive...

2007-07-21T12:49:00.000-07:00

One of the "odd jobs" I am juggling during these summer days is hostessing at a quaint, european-style cafe located downtown. The hours? Modest, but leave ample time for practicing/studying during the week. Fellow employees? Love 'em!! The work itself? No-brainer. The customers?

Well...

Most Nebraskans are fairly down-to-earth, friendly, etc. But you know how at work you sometimes get those customers who have, well, Preferences? Like, lots of them? I know that the whole point of my job is to serve these customers and all the myriad Preferences they present. But at the end of the day, when it's busy, the Preferences build, and build, and build, and soon the irritation that was simmering quietly within me throughout the morning begins to, ah, jump out and BITE.

So how do I maintain genuine charity towards each guest who walks in the door? Because if I can't expect to treat them with charity for the two minutes that I interact with them, how can I expect to come home and treat my roommates, or my stand partners, or my family, with inexhaustible charity? How does one treat their neighbors with charity, particularly when they are tired and don't necessarily FEEL any charity?

Since Clive Staples Lewis often has Wise Things to Say, let us ask him, what do you think?

"...though natural likings should normally be encouraged, it would be quite wrong to think that the way to become charitable is to sit trying to manufacture feelings... the rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more."

Whelp. There you have it.

Brother Wind!! Sister Water!!

2007-07-18T14:46:00.000-07:00

So I really like to travel. It all began with those long family road trips to National Parks and whatnot, then a train ride across the country, and then that first overseas trip for Core 250. This year I decided to devote the month of May for travelling through Eastern Europe, with a 10 day pilgrimage to Rome and Assisi tacked on the end. One of my favorite places was Assisi.

What peace. Away from the traffic, sirens, pickpockets, mimes, and general chaos of Rome, Assisi envelopes her visitors in total and absolute peace. It is remarkable how certain places take on a certain characteristic, thanks to the influence of its inhabitants. Assisi, of course, has absorbed the Franciscan charism of peace, and also of joy, delight, energy. From reading St. Francis' "Canticle of Brother Sun," who can keep from grinning at his peculiar poetry?

"Praised be You, my Lord, with all your creatures, especially brother Sun,
Who is the day and through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendor;
and bears a likeness of You, Most High One.

Praised be You, my Lord, through Sister Moon and the stars;
in heaven You formed them clear and precious and beautiful.
Praised be You, my Lord, through brother Wind,
and through the air, cloudy and serene, and every kind of weather,
through which You give sustenance to Your creatures."

Brother Wind?? Sister Moon?? Who is this crazy brother?

And his ah, craziness is not something frothy or insubstantial, for the reason that the source of his joy is the Cross. St. Francis' abandonment to the Lord in 1207 was utter foolishness to his townsfolk. He was mocked and rejected, in a manner brutally uniform with that of Christ. This is the foolishness of the Cross Paul writes in his letter to the Corinthians. It begs the question, what Cross is the Lord calling me to shoulder? And am I willing to withstand whatever reactions the world may have, even if it costs me a great deal of suffering?

...something to ponder...

In the meantime, I highly recommend spending a windy day in Assisi running through the streets, with arms outstretched, yelling insanely at the top of your lungs, "Brother Wind!! BROTHER WINNNND!!" You won't get any strange looks from the locals, I promise. Right Brendon? :)

A First Entry

2007-07-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

Many thanks for visiting my humble internet abode, "Philokalia." Hello especially to friends from the Northwest, like you Calvin Crest bloggers, Whitworth alumni, etc. Contrary to popular belief, I have not fallen off the face of the earth, but rather have settled comfortably to life in the Great Plains. C'mon Northwesterners, you know you want to visit. Perhaps I should post a Top Ten Reasons for Giving the Cornfields a Try?

So I'm finishing up with graduate school, while also teaching music lessons and other music classes, performing with the local symphony, and chamber ensembles of sorts. (cough) and I may or may not be juggling an array of odd jobs to keep the car running, fridge stocked, bills paid, etc.

Still haven't been to a Cornhusker football game.

Since graduation from Whitworth, a lot has happened... In May of 2005, I travelled to Europe for the amazing and infamous Core 250 philosophy study tour with our dear Whitworth professors, Forest Baird and Leonard Oakland. Upon returning to the states, I was pretty well Shook Up with a hunger for Truth (the capital "T" Truth), and began to devour various books on philosophy, art, theology, etc.

In a nutshell (and this is the tiniest of nutshells) I discovered that the capital "T" Truth is not a What but a Who. In the Augustinian way, I was restless indeed, until I found Him in all His fullness. More poetically said, "When I found him whom my heart loves, I took hold of him and would not let him go" (Song of Songs 3:4).

Perhaps I'll crack open the nutshell in another post... stay tuned...